All I Need
by EternalConfusion
Summary: PostIsland fic. Everybody needs somebody to lean on, right? And Jack needs Kate.
1. Late Night Talks

A/N: Okay, so this is my first ever Lost fic…hehe, and I'm a HUUUUUUGE Jack/Kate fan…they sooooo rocks. There's so much chemistry there's like an explosion…hehe…I'm just waiting for that one explosion…the real one…hehe. So, because I only live in the UK, I've only seen the first season of Lost. So basically this is set sometime after the Season One Finale. And yeah, angsty fluff! Some parts will be so fluffy they might just fluff your socks…Does that even make the ittiest bit of sense? And, an advanced apology for if they seem out of character in anyway…I'm still adjusting to writing them, and I'm not too sure exactly how they'd act…so…yeah.

And it will be a post-island fic, after this chapter :) So far, I've got three written up, and will hopefully write more soon, so yeah...

Disclaimer: I'm touched that you think I might…but, now this might be hard to understand…I'm still grieving over the idea myself…but I don't own Lost. Though I'd be like so totally psyched if I owned even owned the teeniest tiny part…oooooo, then I could like totally hang with Jack, Boone, Charlie and Sawyer... Okay, I know Boone is…ya know, but I would have done. And Charlie's wrong…I'M a bloody ROCK GOD(dess) Nor do I own the words to 'Summer of 69'

* * *

_And now the times are changin'  
Look at everything that's come and gone  
Sometimes when I play that old six-string  
I think about ya wonder what went wrong _

Standin' on your mama's porch  
You told me it would last forever  
Oh the way you held my hand  
I knew that it was now or never  
Those were the best days of my life

* * *

It was dark, and really late. The middle of the night late, the island was virtually silent, whilst everyone slept – or at least tried to.

She approached the caves with caution, she knew it was dangerous, but it wasn't like this was the first time. It probably wouldn't be the last either; still…she couldn't help being slightly freaked out. The only noise she could hear was the soft crunching of twigs under her feet. As she got closer to his cave, she once again grew apprehensive of what he might say, or think. Would he be glad to see her, she hoped he would be, or would he be mad that she came this far in the dark, alone.

"Knock, knock," Kate said softly tapping the outside to his cave. "Jack?" There was no response, so she walked into his cave, "Jack…" She said nearing him.

"Kate?" He whispered sleepily in the dark.

"I'm sorry. Did I wake you?" She asked looking away, "If I did I can just…"

"No, it's fine." He replied sitting up, "But what are you doing here? If I'd known you were going to come by I would have met you part way or something."

"I couldn't sleep, and I was bored." Kate replied with a half smile. Jack signalled for her to sit next to him, she approached him carefully and eventually sat down on the blanket next to him. Jack watched her attentively as she ran her fingers over the blanket and played with the now slightly frayed edges.

"So, what's it this time?" Jack asked her, as if expecting her to be tense or worried and just spill all her secrets. She shrugged and kept her eyes anywhere but from his view knowing they'd let him know something was up, regardless of whether she allowed it or not. "Kate…" He tucked a finger under her chin and tilted her chin upwards so he could see her face properly. "I know something's up, why don't you tell me." Kate closed her eyes and took in a deep breath.

"It's nothing," She paused and he gave her the 'I sure as hell don't believe that' look, "Jack…really, it's nothing. I've just been thinking lately." He smiled at her slightly and gave her a look allowing her to continue.

"Okay, so it's just that everything's changed lately. I mean…I don't know. I remember when I was a child, I didn't have the best childhood, but I was okay, and I was happy. Then my world went to hell, and sometimes, I don't even remember how or why; and for so long I've been on the run. I get bored and restless if I stay in one place too long and…I get…scared that they might find me." She said the last part so quietly he almost didn't hear her, and he knew that she didn't want to admit to being scared. "But now, we've been on the island over a year, and that's a long time to stay in one place, I look around me, and even the people have changed from how we were when we crashed. And then I look at me, and I'm still the same. It's like I'm stuck in a rut Jack. Here, I've got the chance to start again, but I don't know how; part of me doesn't even what to. I know what happens here will be ripped apart at the seems when…if we get rescued…"

"Kate, none of that matters right now." He smiled, but she didn't smile back.

"I guess I just want things to be different, to not have all this extra baggage. After they found out, they looked at me in a different light, and I didn't like it. They might accept me now, but no-one really accepts me for who I am and knowing what I've done. I don't want to be the convict anymore." Kate looked up again, and Jack could see the pain in her eyes. His heart ached for her, and he was touched that she really did tell him what was going on in her head, these moments were rare. Sure, she'd talk to him all the time, but it wasn't serious often, and he always craved to know more about her as she did with him at times too.

"I accept you for who you are," he said pulling her into a hug. She quickly settled with her back to his chest and smiled up at him.

"Thank you Jack."

"I bet they would too if they knew you like I do. But that doesn't matter, not right now; besides I bet we all have things we regret." Jack paused and ran a hand through his hair, "I guess I had a good life before the crash, I had a good job and a nice apartment; but my life was far from complete. I wasn't happy; it was like I was missing something…" He paused again not knowing what to say, he could try and tell her how he felt, or he could wait, again. He did neither, he took her hand in his and their fingers instantly became tangled together. "I keep thinking that I could have done more, and be more social…but its tough when you're a doctor." He chuckled slightly, and she smiled. "Although, if my life hadn't played out that way I might not have been on the plane, I wouldn't have met you…or any of the others. And in some way, I'm glad I was on that plane."

She pulled away from him and turned around to face him, giving him an odd stare, not entirely sure that she knew what he meant. If she didn't know better it was as if he were trying to tell her something…but, he couldn't be could he? No, Jack wasn't like that he didn't…nope, not possible. And then she remembered how their hands had meshed together – a near perfect fit. And it hit her, full force; she'd tried to suppress the feelings, after all he was only a friend. Kate wouldn't let herself get too close to anyone on the island, but maybe, just maybe this time she'd slipped. Kate was almost certain she'd told him more than she'd told anyone before, and that actually they were close, real close…

Jack moved closer to her, and Kate's breath hitched in her throat for a brief second. And before she knew it his lips had landed softly on hers. He pulled away as swiftly as he came nearer, and had an apologetic look on his face. She couldn't help but laugh a little at his expression.

"What?" He'd asked her, staring at her.

"Nothing, it's just…" she grinned again and he noticed the mischievous glint in her eyes was back. "You just looked so weird, and funny, and kind of cute there, all apologetic…I don't know why…" Kate bit her lip and looked up at him.

His eyebrows knit in confusion, and he gave her one of those 'you-what?' looks. That was when she took an even bigger risk than he had, and perhaps the biggest risk of her life. After this, there was no going back, my god did she want it…but if they got rescued, who knows what could happen. Taking Jack's advice, it simply didn't matter. Not right there, not in that moment. She reached up and ran a finger along his jaw line before giving him a passionate kiss; it took a moment for him to respond but the kiss soon deepened.

-

"So, what's the first thing you'd do if we got of this island, regardless…?" He asked as she nestled against him, taking a similar position to the one they'd had before the kiss. This time, however, he hand a strand of hair in his had and was playing with it, as his other hand was entwined with hers.

"Well…I'd have a god damn hot shower, wear some properly clean clothes, eat some proper food, and sleep in a real bed…then…who knows. What about you?"

"Hmm…let me think," Jack whispered softly before kissing Kate's neck, "I think a shower sounds good…" He kissed her again, "And I don't know, it depends."

"On what?" She asked.

"Whether you'd be with me…" Jack said smiling suggestively. Kate caught the look on his face and swatted at his arm playfully. Kate yawned, whilst Jack ran a hand through her hair, moving it all to one side of her neck.

"You tired?" He asked thoughtfully.

"Yeah," Kate stretched, "I should probably get going…"

"Why don't you stay, just for tonight, with me?" Jack asked.

"I…I don't know. I think, maybe its best if I just go back tonight. I mean, what will everyone say?" Kate looked confused, torn even, her mind was saying no, but her heart ached for her to say yes, just to be close to Jack for one night. Just one night.

"But, you can stay and go before anyone gets up, I promise – it'll be fine." He smiled at her pleading her to stay, "Besides, it's dark and who knows what might happen on your way back."

"Jack…I…I want to, I do; it's just, I don't want to be your Eve. I can handle it by myself; nothing's going to happen, not while everyone's asleep. Jack, I'm…I'm just not the kind of person that…well, you know. I'm no Eve." Kate stood ready to leave. Jack almost smiled at how much she was protesting.

"You don't have to be anybody's Eve, just be Kate." He smiled sweetly, "Stay, just tonight, humour me…" Jack mock pouted and Kate couldn't help but giggle.

Kate mulled it over briefly, "Fine, but just tonight." She lay back down next to him.

"That's all I was asking," he said wrapping an arm around her stomach.

As was promised, Jack made sure Kate got away the following morning without anybody noticing a single thing…

* * *

A/N: Uh…so, I'm not sure about this first chapter, but I think it gets better. Heh…so, if you could just do me a huge favour and give the lil' button some loving… 


	2. Sooner or later it's over

A/N: Well…This is my first attempt at writing a Lost fanfic…and surprisingly this is the very first chapter I wrote…I do things a lil' differently sometimes…hehe It's also insanely sad and fluffy…so fluffy tissues at the ready hehe…

Disclaimer: Oh yippee…what's that I own Lost? WOOT…Oh…Do I own it? Is that what you said:_Looks around_: Well…it sure doesn't look like I own Lost does it now? Buh-Bye…

* * *

_And I'd give up forever to touch you  
Cause I know that you feel me somehow  
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be  
And I don't want to go home right now _

And all I can taste is this moment  
And all I can breathe is your life  
Cause sooner or later it's over  
I just don't want to miss you tonight

* * *

Like a goodbye scene from a romance movie, they stood in the middle of the busy airport, just holding each other. He stood with one arm around her waist, the other running through her chestnut hair whilst her arms clung to his neck.

It wasn't until she lifted her head to look at him that he realised his shirt was wet from her warm tears. She looked up at him smiling that sad half-smile that he had come to love. His gaze softened and if possible his hold on her tightened even more – almost as if he were afraid that if she wasn't held so tight she just might…slip right though his fingers and disappear. She drew a shaky breath and traced his jaw line with her pointer finger. The light bounced of her tear stained cheeks and he held a thumb to her cheek and wiped away her tears. He tenderly placed a kiss upon her forehead and breathed in the scent of her hair.

"Jack?" She said softly, her voice barely even a whisper.

"Shh…not now, its okay Kate, it'll be okay…" Jack replied. Kate shook her head as her eyes filled with tears. She really wanted Jack's words to be true, hell she tried to believe it but try as she might she knew…she knew, there was a very real possibility that she might never see him again. And she didn't know if she'd be able to survive the pain that that might cause.

* * *

**: Flashback:**

Kate ran along the path that had been worn away over the past year and a half due to all their walks and hikes across the island. Fresh tears fell down her cheeks, she tried hard to stop them, but it just wasn't working. She raised a hand to push back the lock of chestnut hair that had fallen out of her messy bun. Her breathing speed up and became more panicked and fast; however, she knew this was not from the running. It was due to the now, all of a sudden, very real possibility of being rescued. Someone at the beach had spotted a ship on the horizon and everyone burst into cheers, but for Kate, it was only just beginning, her worst fears were most likely about to become reality.

As she ran along the path she tripped and stumbled several times, having to stop at least twice because of the state she had worked herself into. She'd been crying so hard she couldn't see, though she hadn't realised at the time. As she approached the caves she tried desperately to calm the scared and angry tears threatening to flow from her eyes.

Her trip to the caves didn't take long and she soon found what she was looking for, no, not what…but who she was looking for. Jack.

"Jack!" She cried out the instant she saw him. He looked up instantly and she was fairly sure he could see her tears.

"Kate…Kate, what's wrong?" He said stepping closer to her.

"I…I…th…they…" Kate ran a hand through her hair and sighed whilst Jack took her arm and talked her into sitting down.

"Okay? Think you can tell me what's wrong now?" Jack asked as he crouched in front of her, pushing back the stray lock of hair that has previously escaped from her messy bun. She gave him a sort of sad smile before she began.

"Jack, I'm scared. They've arrived, they're finally here. After all this time, and it's scaring the shit out of me. I don't…I don't know if I can handle this Jack…" She said looking up with wide eyes, half expecting him to say something, and the other part of her just willing him to hold her.

He lay a hand on her knee, "Who've come Kate, the others?"

"No…not them; maybe worse…rescuers." Kate mumbled suddenly finding the floor extremely important and interesting. Out of the corner she could see a smile forming on his face but all too soon that beautiful smile was replaced with a frown as realisation dawned.

"Oh Kate…" He said softly and quickly pulled her into his arms. "It's okay…we…we'll work this out. We'll get through it…"

"But Jack, I'm wanted..." She trailed off slightly, "I wanted by the government and police…whatever. I'm wanted in like 20 states…probably more by now, who knows. As soon as they see me and recognise me they'll arrest me and take me away. Jack, the only place I'm going once we're off of this damned island is jail." Her voice broke and the tears came again. "I…I don't…I don't want to leave Jack…I can't…" She buried her head in his shoulder and clung to him so tightly, scared that the second she let go she'd be taken away.

"But Kate, they can't have you…because I want you too." He said softly kissing her forehead, and this time she looked up at him and smiled a real smile. "Kate, I swear…we'll work something out. It's got to work out okay in the end. I'm not letting you go without a fight. I'm not about to let you go so easily…" She looked up at him again and he took the chance to capture her lips with his own. Things started heating up but all too soon they heard someone, or something coming along the path behind them. Jack could feel her tense up and she tried to take a step backwards, but he wouldn't let her, wanting to protect her with everything he was.

"Jack, Kate…good." Charlie said emerging from the trail, "Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt or anything…if…"

"Its fine Charlie," Jack said taking his eyes off of Kate, slightly relieved.

"Anyways, they've come – we've got rescuers. We're being saved…there's a big ship and they're taking us back to Australia. I don't know what's happening after that, I think we get to fly back to LA…but…yeah…" With that he turned back and walked a few paces before turning back, "Are you guys coming or not?" he grinned.

Jack stepped back from each other and walked after Charlie, Jack taking Kate's hand in his…determined not to let go.

**: End Flashback:

* * *

**

As promised the ship did take them back to Australia, and no-one recognised Kate. No-one recognised Kate at the Australian airport either, so for now both she and Jack breathed a sigh of relief, and until they got to the USA could be happy for a while.

* * *

_And I don't want the world to see me  
Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am _

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming  
Or the moment of truth in your lies  
When everything seems like the movies  
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive

* * *

Kate ran a hand through Jack's hair, longing to be with him for…for…for what exactly? Maybe not for ever…no, that might be too long, and Kate knew that regardless she could never really be tied down…but for a long time. She wanted to be his, to be close to him, and loved by him for a long time.

As she looked at his handsome face she was sure that there were tears glistening in his eyes. "Oh Jack…I'm so sorry. If, if I knew that all this would have happened, I probably wouldn't have. I wish I hadn't done so many bad things. I'm sorry…Why couldn't I have known you before?" She whispered to him.

"Kate, its fine…" He said trying to keep his emotions in check, both of them knew deep down that really what she'd done hadn't been okay – killing is never okay is it regardless of the reason, defence or not. All that mattered was that they both knew she'd changed and wouldn't do it again…if only…if only the rest of the world knew that. "And I know that we both think you still would have. But…its okay, I understand – I know you've changed and regret it…" He sighed, "But where the hell were you the rest of my life…" He trailed of as their lips meet in a passionate, but gentle kiss.

No-one else understood. They didn't understand that Kate had changed, was no longer a killer or criminal, they didn't understand that she was capable of so much more. They didn't know how capable she was of loving just one person. They didn't know or understand how Jack and Kate could possibly find love – the Doctor and the Criminal? Because, I mean you must be joking – like that would ever happen. The people on the island understood that there was something between them, but they didn't know what, or how deep those feelings went. The only people who really knew were Jack and Kate. They didn't understand how much pain they were about to cause the couple, how much heartache they could feel.

They didn't understand that by taking Kate from Jack that he would spiral into depression and loose all interest, they didn't understand that it was like taking away his arm, or leg…no, more like brain or heart. He NEEDED her, he loved her, wanted her, and now he would be forced to – he didn't know how in hell he was supposed to survive. He needed to be with her, she'd kept him sane for the past year and a half, and he'd be screwed without her to keep him sane, calm and well…basically all that Jack was.

"Jack…I…I don't, I don't want to go…" She looked at him tearfully.

"I know Kate, I know."

"I wish…I just, why can't things be different?"

"I honestly don't know, I'm sorry…"

"Am I ever going to see you again Jack?" As she finished the sentence the tears came, yet again.

"By God I hope so…"

She sighed, "Because, I don't think I could handle it if I don't see you again."

"You know what, I swear, whatever happens…I'll find a way to see you again. Even," He kissed her neck before continuing, "If…it's…the…last…thing…I…do." He said in between kisses.

She smiled as he tilted her chin towards him, and kissed her passionately. This was a real kiss, the kind of kiss they'd always wanted to experience, but never had. A kiss with so many emotions, almost too many. It meant absolutely everything to them, but nothing at all to anyone else. Just the way it should be. Everything and nothing. They were scared shitless, yet determined that it would not be the last kiss.

After they parted he held her for a few more minutes, breathing in her smell, and in the small kisses he gave her tasting her too in a way.

"You know…I love you." He breathed against her hair.

"Yeah I love you too…too much," She half-smiled. "You…you won't forget me will you?"

"Wh…what? How could I?" He said kissing her forehead.

"I just…people forget about me sometimes…abandon me. I don't know, I guess I lose all hope. And I hate it when I learn to trust someone and for them to…betray me I guess. I don't want you to forget about me, because I know I won't forget you…" She sighed heavily; he caressed her face and gave her one last short, but sweet and tender kiss, full of hope. And that was it, she knew everything was true – he wouldn't forget her, and they would meet again.

"You ready?" He asked the question they'd both been dreading since the moment they were rescued. This was it, the final scene, the last goodbye. They hoped it wouldn't be, but for now…For now it was the moment they never wanted to come, and the one they wanted to get over and done with as fast as possible. Like a band-aid, they had to rip it off, suck it up, and face the pain. At least for a while, until they could clean the wound and numb the stinging with water…or perhaps a stronger substance, or just time.

"I don't think I'll ever be ready…" She gave him one final squeeze and a kiss on the cheek. "It was nice knowing you Jack…" He could have sworn he saw a hint of mischief in her green eyes. "Can you…walk with me…just until…I don't want to see you walk out of my life just yet…" Kate said softly taking a step backwards and picking up her bag that had been lying by their feet.

"For you…sure…" He said as he took her hand and drew her close, now they walked hand in hand towards their fate. As they neared the doors he pulled her closer and wrapped an arm around her waist and she did the same.

"Sir…sir…please step back." A uniformed policeman said in that fake, despicable, dull, and boring tone.

Kate and Jack simultaneously swallowed and let go of each other, Kate stepped forwards whilst Jack just stood there, caught like a dear in the headlights. Kate looked towards him, she tried to speak, but no words would come, only the tears she'd desperately been holding back.

"Miss Austen, you're under arrest…"

Jack blocked the rest of it out, he didn't want to know, didn't want to hear. His heart broke just watching the scene play out in front of him, and he was hopeless. He could feel his spirit breaking, he longed to see her, touch her again. And finally, as he watched her retreating back the tears that wouldn't come before came. Just like that. He watched until he couldn't see her anymore, then squeezed his eyes shut hard, and turned around.

* * *

_And I don't want the world to see me  
Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am _

I don't want the world to see me  
Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am  
I just want you to know who I am  
I just want you to know who I am  
I just want you to know who I am

* * *

A/N: So there you have it…Chapter Two…so sad I'm almost crying now. I can't believe I just wrote that, god the drama…the pain…the torture…I'll find away to save their souls. Until then…over and out!

Gah…I've just re-read that and edited it slightly, ugh, my grammar was…uh, crap! They need to teach us more grammar at school, hehe. And now, I'd like to take this moment to thank everybody who took time to review chapter one…and in general, a big thank you for all who reviewed Downfall…if you haven't read it…you're missing out on some fluffy Jate, so…go read!

Joeyspizza4747; NYR88; kballgetlost: Thanks to you guys, it was cute huh?

Vands88: I know I can't wait to see what happens either, I mean I have idea, but this fic as a life of its own…I'm telling you. Maybe it's the island. :Looks around strangely:

Katy: Tell me about it…:Pouts: aww, Jack's pout…it'd be like so cute, and sexy and funny…hehe. In case you hadn't noticed, I'm too lazy to say that you were too lazy to log in…heh, maybe not. Lol But, thanks for the review, it was wicked.

LostWithoutJate: I envy your penname…All's right with the world as long as there's…Fluff…Jateness…and…Coke! I'll try and keep it fluffy, I might add in some angst too…But one day I'll write an angst-free, so fluffy the lil' fluff balls might just knock you over fluff fic. So yeah…feel free to pester me if I don't…there's a long summer ahead (I can't wait till June!)

Orlando-crazy: Well…there'd simply be no point in a fic without even a little Jateness ;)

xo-Mezz-xo: I'm glad you love it :D I'm trying to keep it up…so yeah…My brain's got big ideas…again. I'll try and stay focused but…thanks


	3. Without You

A/N: Bah…this I think is kinda more of a filler chapter, and it will probably be fairly short. And yes, I'm avoiding doing my horrible homework, don't like school work…it's the WEEKEND for Christ's sake…hehe

Disclaimer: Checks ID and some other documents, nope don't own it…

* * *

_Everywhere someone's getting over  
Everybody cries  
And sometimes you can still lose even if you really try  
Talking about the dream  
Like the dream is over  
Talk like that  
Won't get you nowhere  
Everybody's trusting in the heart  
Like the heart don't lie

* * *

_

After fumbling around for a few minutes, Jack managed to get the door open and kicked in his suitcase, not really in the mood to play nice. Jack felt the wall, trying to find the light switch; already he'd stumbled over his suitcases and let out a small yelp in pain as he'd stubbed his toe. Jack finally found the lights and flicked on the switch, he blinked his eyes not quite adjusted to the brightness of the lights. He was almost surprised that they still worked after all this time away, almost. Jack threw the keys into the dish on the end table by the door and walked along the corridor and into the kitchen.

He found a glass; turned on the water and let it ran for a while before filling the glass. He gulped it down, almost furiously and put the now empty glass in the sink. Jack sighed and turned to the fridge, he wondered what was still in there, and just how out of date it would be. He opened the fridge and expected it to be covered in green, furry mould. Surprisingly it wasn't. The milk that he was sure he had left in there was gone, and it was pretty much empty. Perhaps someone had been in here to tidy things up – his mom probably. Not that he really cared much right now.

That was when Jack remembered the piece of paper in his back pocket; he lifted it out and left it on the kitchen table. It was a note…or maybe a letter…from Kate, but he didn't want to read it now. He was scared that it might hurt too much and that it might just cause him to break down, break down and let out all that anger bubbling inside of him. No, he wouldn't read it, not today. He'd cried enough for today, just the thought of it, of the reason why caused his heart to ache. It was at the airport, they'd been saying good bye, neither had wanted to; they'd wished they could go home to Jack's apartment and live their happy ever after. The one they deserved after everything on the island. That wasn't about to happen anytime soon though, they'd practically ripped her out of his arms, she was in a state, crying and clinging to him – he knew she didn't want to go. She was innocent, she was changed, why didn't they know that?

Jack turned the radio on, but instantly turned it off again, he recognised the song straight away and he knew it would remind him of her. Jack walked through to the living room and flopped on the couch. He noticed the framed picture of his friends Jenny and Peter with their toddler Megan, she'd been a year when he'd last seen them; and now she must be, what, three now? He'd have to talk them soon. Next to the picture Jack could see the answer machine blinking away madly. He pushed the play button and listened to dozens of the messages of people trying to reach him for the past two years or so.

'Jack, it's your mother, just wanted to see if you're home safely. Let me know if you're coming to dinner on Sunday.' The machine whirred and played the next message.

'Jack? Its Sarah…can we talk? Call me back.' Jack groaned, they were divorced what the hell could that woman want now?

'Hey man, its Pete, so Jenny wants to through one of her dinner parties, you want to come? Week on Friday; she's got some single friends…See ya.' Jack laughed; they were always setting him up with someone or other. They never seemed to understand that he was doing fine on his own. He smiled, if they knew about Kate and about him moping over her, they'd surely jump at the chance to play matchmakers again. More messages played and Jack took little notice of them.

'Jack it's been over a week and I haven't heard anything from you. It's not like you; a mother likes to know her son's whereabouts.'

'Jack! It's been TWO long weeks, I asked you to call me back. You STILL haven't. Jackass, call me, I still want to talk to you!' Jack half smiled at Sarah's message, she sounded pissed and that entertained him, he hoped it wasn't anything important, because God knows she annoyed the hell out of him. Jack wondered if it was worth letting her know he was back and asking what she wanted to talk about, but he realised she'd probably blank him and ask what the hell he was on about.

There were no more messages after that, at least, not until last week.

'Jack, I'd almost given up hope. It's your mother by the way; call me when you get this, when you get home. It was all over the TV, I heard you got rescued, I never gave up hope, I'm sorry it took so long for them to find you. So, I hope you're okay.' Jack then erased all the messages and picked up the phone to call his mother.

"Hello, Mom, its Jack…" he said quietly.

* * *

After the phone call with his mother Jack turned on the TV and flicked through the channels, there were a dozen new programmes he didn't recognise and the ones he did he hated so he quickly switched the set off. Jack lugged his suitcases through to his bedroom, he put them to a side; he'd deal with them later. For now, he was going to have a nice, long shower and then go to bed.

Jack lay awake in bed, he tossed and turned, but nothing he did helped. He couldn't sleep. Jack groaned as he stared at the ceiling, he wondered what she was doing. What was Kate doing? Was she tossing and turning like him, but on an uncomfortable mattress? Was she sleeping soundly? Was she…thinking about him and everything they'd been through? Had she been crying herself to sleep?

Jack threw the covers off the bed and went to retrieve her letter. He went back to his bedroom with that letter; he sat on the bed tossing the letter over so many times. No doubt about it, it was meant for his eyes only, and her handwriting was beautiful, it made the word 'Jack' look so amazing on paper. His finger ran over its rectangular form, it was folded in that letter fold where the paper gets separated into three sections. He could imagine her folding the letter, writing his name on it, and then remembered her slipping it into his back pocket. Oh, what he'd give to feel her hands on him now. Kate.

Jack sighed, "Here goes nothing…"

_Jack,_

_I know right now you're probably sitting in the dark, sulking. Don't. Jack, I'm not worth it, I don't deserve someone so pure and loving and caring as you. For the past year and a half, you've been the one to keep me sane. I don't know how, but somehow you stopped me from running. There were so many times where I wanted to run, run as far and as fast as I could. There were times when I ached to get away, and in the beginning, I wanted to hide. I wanted to hide from my feelings…from you._

'_Every time I ran and hid, you found me. And we'd talk, and then it didn't seem so bad. If you're reading this, no…I can't pretend any longer. I know you're reading this, and I know I'm not there. But I'm probably wishing that you'd come and find me and make everything okay. Because that's what you do._

_This time Jack, I'm not something you can fix with a few stitches and some aspirin. It's going to take more than that to fix this…my mess. And, I'm sorry for dragging you into it. I guess I knew this would happen as soon as I let you in. I don't know how you did, but you broke the barriers I'd so carefully erected. I didn't realise until it was too late, and for that Jack, I'm so so sorry. You're too good for this._

_Maybe one day things will work out, and maybe we'll cross paths again. I know you'll want to, but I really don't think it's a good idea that you come looking for me, wherever I am. If I'm in prison…I don't want you visiting, Jack it's not something I ever want you experiencing. Not you, you're too perfect. At least for me. I don't know, I wish things were different I really do, but no matter how hard I pinch myself, no matter how many times I blink, I'm still here. It's not a dream, we're both still here on this plane. You're sleeping beside me, and I'll tell you, it almost breaks my heart to write this. And it'll hurt more to give it to you. I'm so sorry Jack, but I do love you._

_Yours,_

_Kate_'

Jack could feel the tears in his eyes, he missed her, and she was telling him not to go find her. If he only he couldn't imagine her eyes begging him to find her, that would be so Kate…say one thing, but desperately sending signals with her eyes and actions that actually all she wanted was the opposite, but she would never admit it.

Jack refolded the letter and put it on the bedside table, hoping that maybe, now he'd read her letter, seen that she had said she loved him one more time, maybe now he could sleep.

He lay awake for another two hours, he tossed and turned, he counted sheep – white sheep, black sheep, blue sheep, and pink sheep all to no avail. It wasn't working. He just kept thinking of her. She was intoxicating, she would flood his mind, and all he could see, hear, smell, taste and feel was her.

Once again Jack threw back the covers and sulked out to the kitchen. 4 Am. It was pathetic, his first night back, and he couldn't sleep. He hoped she'd at least slept an hour, anything more than he had. He started brewing a cup of coffee. There was no milk, and he'd forgotten where the sugar was, and that was probably out of date, hell the coffee was almost out of date, but it was coffee none the less. God damn needed coffee. He downed it quickly, almost too fast. It wasn't long before Jack found himself driving. He wasn't exactly sure where to, not this early in the morning – he just needed to get out of the house. It was killing him, she was killing him. It hadn't even been 24 hours, and it's not like they were married, though he wouldn't have minded.

* * *

A few hours later, Jack found himself in some diner he didn't even know existed; he'd been drowning his sorrows in coffee after coffee, for almost an hour now. It wasn't even nice coffee, his almost out of date; plain black coffee this morning had almost tasted better than this. But it was coffee; coffee he hadn't had in years, no point ruining it with a Starbucks so soon. It'd been so long since eating out…or generally spending money that he'd forgotten exactly how much to tip, so he just left a few dollars on the table before returning to his car.

He hadn't intended to go there, well maybe he had. But he didn't know if it was the right one…it was more of a lucky guess. Surprisingly, she was there, though he'd had to wait a couple hours before visiting hours began. All that waiting sucked, but as soon as the doors opened he was up like a shot.

Kate was lying on her 'bed', it possibly resembled a bed more than the caves did, but it was a close call. She was staring at the ceiling when a guard stood at her door and the door buzzed open.

"Miss Austen, visitor for ya." He said leading her out of the cell.

Kate entered the small room shyly, she could see a glass pane at the other end, which wasn't too far away, but she didn't want to look, didn't want to see who her visitor was.

Her heart almost stopped when she saw him standing there, staring back at her. Tears filled her eyes, and she bit her lip slowly approaching the chair in front of the glass screen. For a while no words were said, but emotions flashed in the couple's eyes, and aching, a longing was visible in his eyes, and hers, but they were also full of a dull aching sadness, and almost…regret.

He picked up the black phone, and it took a while for it to register that he wanted to talk to her. She picked up the phone but her eyes never left his, not once.

"Hey…" He started.

"Jack…" Her voice cracked and it took all the strength within her to stop her from crying.

"I know, I know you said I shouldn't…but I couldn't not come, not try." He looked at her, expecting her to say something, but she didn't, she just stared back at him and bit her lip. "You know…its kind of pathetic, the first night home, you'd think it'd be the best's nights sleep in over a year, it wasn't. Kate, I didn't sleep at all, I couldn't. I've gotten so used to you…"

A lonely tear slid down her cheek, "I'm sorry…"

"Don't be! How are you, did you sleep okay?"

"Jack…" She said with an exasperated sigh. "I think you know how I am, I hate this…I just want to get out, and be with you. It's horrible in here, so cold and…lifeless. Can't we go back, back to the island?"

"I wish we could."

"I didn't sleep much, beds probably worse than the caves," Kate smirked. Immediately after, she frowned and looked up at him expectantly as if to say 'Save me'.

"We'll find a way Kate, we will…I promise." He said softly. She dropped the phone and held her hand to the glass pane separating the couple. He hung up the phone and his hand met hers. All too soon, she was taken away, just like the day before. He watched her retreating back before turning to leave himself, just like the day before. He sighed.

He'd find a way, if it was the last thing he did, he would. He promised her that much, and Jack didn't break his promises. Not if he could help it.

* * *

**A/N: **Okay so I said it would probably be a short, filler…but hey, maybe I was wrong. I surprised myself. Uh…not quite sure what's happening next chapter, I've got a few ideas though. Gimmie some loving?

Allikat225: Who would I be if I kept them apart…I'd be committing some horrible crime like…Jate murder :P I tried my best to do sweet…hehehe. And I do have attitude…hmm…still bouncing like a 3 year old after CAKE Is it Kate? Is it, is it, is it? Anyways, I believe in a thing called love…

Katy: Ah yes…the case of authors who refuse anonymous reviews, I hate that. Although…I always sign in, unless it's a good friend, and then I just basically…take the mick :P Thanks for the review!

Joeyspizza4747: I know…it was so sad I almost cried, but I did think it was uber fluffy too…

Orlando-crazy: Of course I did 

Vands88: You cried? Aww… I'm a Jater, of course they're bloody going to see each again (mind my French…) And I'm so touched by your comment. I'm really glad that you actually commented on my writing and not like…the oh my god you're breaking them up and all that jazz. I like to know my writing is good, and not just the storyline…heh I'm glad you think that I managed to write how they were feeling well. Damn is there some up and coming fluff…watch this space…or that space up there

LostWithoutJate: If the fluff fairy wants some fluff…I'm sure I could write something to the fluff fairy's taste. Hehe…Uh, I'm glad you think I captured the emotion. Thank you so much for the review. P.S. I'm totally, madly, insanely in love with Jate and I really love your name…:P

Xo-Mezz-xo: You almost cried? YAY! I'm glad my writing's that good…unless it stunk so much you almost cried. Heh. I don't care if you sound like a teacher, I like to know people appreciate my writing so by saying it's good writing, I'll love you for that, forget sounding like a whatever. That goes for everyone and anyone who comments specifically on my writing. Hehe. Thank you so much for your review.


	4. Coffee Addict?

A/N: Ugh, I know very little about the legal system, so if what I've written in this chapter or the last is wrong, I don't care. Hehe. I'm not studying law…yet. Uh, because of that, I won't be going into detail here, so we're gonna fly past the trial, and you're gonna be a real clever clogs and figure it out from my…not so…cryptic writing.

Disclaimer: ARGH! Didn't you see the damn post-its? Do I need to roll my eyes again? Nah, I don't think so, but…I don't own it!

* * *

When she heard the verdict it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off her chest – she could finally breathe; she was, once again, free. That thought alone made her weak. Staring at _him_, she felt her knees give way, and with tears in her eyes slid towards the ground.

He watched her throughout the trial, his eyes focused entirely on her face, trying to read her. As soon as they heard the verdict it was evident that relief washed over her. He watched as she collapsed and it took everything in him not to run straight over there, pick her up in his arms, tell her how much he loved her, and how everything would be okay.

It wasn't long before most of the people had filed out of the court room and he was allowed to cross that line. She sat, back against the wall with her head resting on her knees and breathing deeply; obviously she was still in shock. He approached her carefully and for a moment, crouched down before her and kissed her temple. He then moved to sit beside her.

"Kate?" He asked softly. She looked up at him briefly, the look in her eyes tugged at his heart strings. She looked…almost lost and vulnerable. She immediately fell into his open arms, accepting the comfort she knew he could provide, and leant against his chest.

"Kate?" He smoothed her hair, and wished that she'd just say something, anything. He heard her mutter something under her breath. "What's that?" He asked.

"I'm free?" She half stated, half asked.

"Yeah, you're free…are you okay?" He asked softly.

"Yes…no…I don't know." She turned to face him and quickly buried her head in his shoulder.

"Okay…Kate, I think they want us out of here, we can just go sit outside, okay?" He said looking towards the guards. She let him lead her outside of the courtroom so that they could sit on one of the benches outside. Jack sat down first, and Kate sat next to him, as close as she could get.

"You want to talk about it?"

"I…it's just…I've waited for this for so long, but…what now?"

"What do you mean Kate?" He said softly as she slipped her hand into his. He squeezed her hand slightly.

"I mean, what am I meant to do? Where am I meant to go? I don't think I ever really expected this to happen…I always thought I'd have to be on the run or locked up for life. I guess…I just have no plans. Jack, I don't know what to do…"

"Hey…" He said softly turning her head so that he could see her eyes. "You know you've always got a place with me; we'll go back to my house, and figure things out from there." He looked into her beautiful green-blue eyes. "Does that sound okay?" She nodded, and he led her away from the court house, towards his car.

* * *

The car journey was virtually silent, neither spoke. They weren't sure what to say, or exactly where they stood; they longed to be the way they were before…but was that even possible?

"So this is it; my apartment. There's the guest room…the bathroom and my room." Jack said leading Kate down the small corridor, he turned and led her back to the spacious living room, "This, of course, is the living room, and just through those doors is the kitchen." Jack shrugged and Kate watched him hesitantly.

"I like it, it's nice…"

"I know its kind off messy, but I just haven't had it in me to clean up." Jack shrugged again, and in the now awkward silence Kate bit her lip. It was strange, before they could talk for hours, they also found it easy to talk whilst Kate was in jail; but now…with the very real reality that they were in the same place, in the same world, and that there could still be something between them…it brought on an awkward atmosphere to the place, like two teenagers too scared to tell each other how they felt. "Can I get you something, a drink maybe?" Jack broke the silence.

"Uh…"

"I've got fruit juices, coke, wine, beer, coffee…" Jack noticed her eyes light up slightly at the thought of coffee. "Coffee, Kate?" She giggled slightly and nodded like a five year old that had been asked if they wanted candy.

"White, with sugar, please." She smiled up at him sweetly.

Jack bought out two coffees shortly after and found Kate sitting comfortably on his black leather sofa. He passed one to her; she welcomed it with open arms, and revelled in the aroma flowing from the mug. Jack laughed at her and sat beside her.

"What?" she asked looking up from her alluring mug of coffee.

"Nothing…it's just, you…coffee addict?" Jack grinned watching her smile as she sipped at the warm liquid.

"It's been too long. The coffee there, was crap…it was like…brown water. Bleugh. This tastes like heaven in comparison." She smiled and caught him staring at her. She blushed and looked back down, feeling every bit like the fifteen year old she once was.

Jack turned to his own coffee, "So, I've got the week off. I thought, maybe, we could go shopping tomorrow? I'm thinking you could probably do with some new clothes, and well I need to get some food and stuff…"

"Jack…"

"Hmm?"

"Thank you. For this…for everything. You really don't have to…I mean, I probably won't be here long, I don't have anywhere to go right now, but I can just go to a motel or something…And, I don't have much money…but, I can get some…and…"

"Kate, its fine. Stay here as long as you like, I don't mind, honestly. And, I have money to spare…so, why don't you use it?" He interrupted her.

"You're such a good friend. Thanks." Kate said softly finishing her coffee.

* * *

Some 5 hours later, the movie they'd been watching had since finished and Kate was lying across the sofa, her head in Jack's lap, yawning slightly.

"You tired?" He whispered into her hair.

"Uh huh," Kate yawned, "I'll just…is it okay if I go to bed now?" Jack smiled at her, and helped her up from the sofa.

Together they walked along the corridor towards the bedrooms. Kate stopped outside the guest room. She couldn't quite pinpoint where they stood with each other, she knew she really, really liked him, still. She knew that all the time they were apart, she longed to be with him and she knew that right know, she'd love to be snuggled up next to him. What she didn't know was how he felt.

"Jack?" She called out, and he turned, ready to enter his bedroom. "Thank you." She smiled at him again.

"You can stop thanking me Kate." He said returning the smile. A part of him wondered why Kate was stood halfway back down the hall way, why wasn't she next to him, with him? He wondered if she still wanted him like she once had, loved him like she had. He still loved her, maybe more so. She looked so beautiful right now, her wavy, chestnut hair fell loosely around her shoulders, and her green sleepy eyes still captivated him, and when she yawned…damn, she looked so cute. Perhaps it would be okay if he asked her to sleep with…no, beside him. "Kate?" He called just before she disappeared again.

"Yeah?" She turned back to him, that half smile he loved playing on her lips. She took a step forward.

"I…I…uh…" Jack temporarily forgot what he was going to say. Kate stepped closer towards him, and he was mesmerised by her moves. She noticed this and smiled at him.

"You checking me out?" She asked, teasing him.

"Believe me…If I was, you'd know." He flashed a grin at her. She laughed, typical Jack. She was pretty sure he was, but just to be sure…she didn't say anything.

"You were going to say something?" Kate took another step forward, she was teasing him, and he loved it, if only he could form coherent thoughts.

"I…uh…I just…uh…Goodnight?" He tried; Kate bit her lip and accepted it. She hugged him shortly, in a friendly sort of way.

"Goodnight Jack." She said before stepping into the guest room. Jack whimpered inwardly entering his own room; how could she do that to him? All of a sudden, she was here, and he was like putty in her hands. If she threw him a stick, you could be pretty sure he'd run off after it, even if they weren't together…yet.

* * *

A/N: Well I would continue…but then we both know this would be some massive, epic chapter so…I'll leave you hanging. Tune in next week for…who knows, more teasing, some fluff or, damn some angst. I just hope it's not all a dream. Haha…

Big thank you to anyone and everyone who read and reviewed. And if you read but didn't review…why not?

Orlando-crazy, Katy(who's still lazy), forever-lost-12: Thanks for your comments.

Jate is Fate 815: You almost cried, I'm sorry…I almost cried too. I'm touched when you say my story is one of your favourites. Aww, that means so much!

Jess luvs Jate: Damn…well, if you're crying I guess I got the emotion across. I would have explained more about the whole jail thing. But I'm now expert and I couldn't be bothered, heh. They should be together forever shouldn't they? And of course, there has to be some angst, it just means more fluff. Heh.

Vands88: hugs back I know, I'm so sad. And I'm sad now…they're not together properly hah…all we be resolved soon, like next update. Ha. And I'm glad you love my writing!

Xo-Mess-xo: Yeag, the poor couple. It was hard to write…but came surprisingly easy…I mean it was hard to write them apart, but the chapter itself flowed and seemed right. Hmm…Dr Jack won't break his promises to Kate – he ain't no Sawyer.

Xx laurena: Interpret this how you like, presumably he had something to do with it, and got her a good lawyer. Actually, I'm sure he did, I just didn't write any of that crap.


	5. I miss us, you

Disclaimer: Uh-uh. I own very little. Perhaps my imagination and the few pennies sitting in my bank, and a load of bic biros…but, I don't own Lost. This is merely a work of fiction, coming from my brilliant mind…I only wish it would play out…

A/N: Figured I'd update because I can…hehe, and I'm almost finished chapter 7…I like to keep ahead of myself, just so that I know where I'm going and stuff, and I won't disappoint you if I can't write for ages, and ages…hehe. And I'm warning you, after this chapter the next to are SERIOUSLY fluffy…and I mean, set your dryer to 'Fluff it the Hell Up' and expect some very fluffy socks and jumpers…

* * *

Some few hours later Kate found herself lying in the comfortable bed in the guest room, still unable to sleep. She'd tossed and turned, it was so much cosier and warmer than she had ever been, since…since when she couldn't remember, probably since she was a small child; but somehow, this still wasn't enough to send her to sleep.

Kate moaned softly before getting up and padding out to the kitchen, hoping a glass of water would settle her mind. It took a while before she found the right cupboard, had she been less awake she may have ended filling a saucepan or bowl with tap water, rather than a small glass. She quickly gulped down the cool liquid before rinsing the cup and leaving it on the drying board.

Kate paused momentarily at the door to the guest room, she almost entered, but this time continued further down the hall. She found herself at Jack's door and knocked softly before pushing open the door and putting her head round the corner.

"Kate?" Jack said softly sitting up, Kate was obviously surprised to find him awake considering her loss for words.

"I…uh…sorry Jack." Kate stood, rooted to the spot – too scared to move, her mind was in a twist, should she leave, should she stay…

"What are you doing up so…late…early?" Jack asked.

"Could ask you the same thing," Kate smiled.

"You couldn't sleep either?" He asked as she shook her head. He studied her briefly, "I'm no going to bite…you can come closer…"

"I…" She stepped forwards, "Not since the island, didn't always sleep too well then but…" He motioned for her to join him on the bed, and she slowly, reluctantly did so, sitting on the opposite side of the bed to him.

"Hmm…do you miss it, Kate?" Jack lay back down, placing his arms behind his head.

"The island? Yeah, everyday. It seemed so easy there, it was hard at first you know, but, there was something about it. Its like, it was new and dangerous, but at the same time…I could feel totally at home." She smiled, and as he looked up he was sure he could see tears beginning to form in her eyes.

"You remember our late night talks?" Jack said with a smile tugging at his lips. Kate bit her lip and nodded at him. "They were good, huh? I liked that there was something to make my mind away from everything else. I…after doctoring everyone all day, I always knew we'd be due one of our chats soon. And…somehow, that made things okay again."

Kate sighed, she lay down beside him and looked up at him; she tried desperately to blink back the tears. She really didn't need him to see her like this again, all weak and vulnerable. He thought about pushing her hair behind her ear, or caressing her cheek, he wanted to touch her, needed to touch her; he got as far as extending his arms before drawing it back. Jack breathed in and placed a hand on her arm.

"Kate?" He asked attentively.

"I'm fine Jack…I am." He looked at her disbelievingly. "I just, you know how we used to be…" A single tear slipped out of her eye. He wiped it away with the pad of his thumb.

"You miss it?" He smiled softly at her. She nodded briefly.

"I do; I miss it, I miss us…I miss how we used to work…it's all…weird and awkward now. Don't you miss it?" Kate said sitting up, sighing into the darkness.

"Of course I do. I hate this awkwardness…it's like…we're different, more like we're teenagers." He smiled, "Ironic really." Kate was still turned away from him, taking a chance, one he'd wanted to take ever since he'd said goodbye he sat up and moved behind her. He slowly snaked his arms around her waist, for a moment he felt her tense up, then she relaxed into him and he kissed her head. She revelled in the feel of being back in his arms, and wished that he'd never let go. He took this chance to breathe in her smell, and she just remembered; remembered him and everything he meant.

She remembered that he always made her feel safe and loved. And sometimes, she felt at home with him, with Jack it was just…_right_. She smiled at the thought and at the feel of his arms around her waist. Her arms fell so that her hands were over his. She remembered all the nights they'd spent at the caves, just talking and being there…together. They never went far, they kissed a bit…a lot, but mostly they just talked and enjoyed each others company.

Jack kissed her cheek, and whispered into her ear, "I missed you…you know that?" Jack felt her nod against his chest and as she smiled and mumbled yes, he couldn't help but be filled with a little hope; maybe, just maybe everything would be okay. Kate was touched that he'd truly missed her and actually told her, she turned round to face him at gave him the half smile she knew he loved and her eyes told him that she'd missed him too.

"Thank you, Jack." Kate ventured.

"You feeling better now then?" He asked softly, pushing a strand of hair back behind her ear.

"Yeah, you know…I think I'll be able to sleep now…" Kate turned and stood up to leave, but Jack stretched out a hand and grabbed her wrist pulling her back towards the bed.

"Jack," She chuckled slightly, "What the hell are you doing?" Kate said landing on the bed, half falling on top of him.

"Why don't you stay here?" He asked, spoken with honesty; finally saying what he'd wanted to say all those hours ago.

"I…uh, I don't know." Jack stared at her, giving her 'the look'. "I…but…uh…the…guest room?" Kate sat up, trying to leave again, but this time Jack had a better grasp on her and pulled her down so that she was lying next to him.

"Stay, please…" His dark eyes searched her lighter ones, telling her it was okay, and that she was allowed to feel this way. She nodded slightly and moved, trying to make herself more comfortable. "Good…" He murmured as he pulled her towards him, wanting to feel her body, feel her warmth. Kate rested her head on his chest and could hear his familiar heartbeat, it was soothing to her. Kate knew, tonight, now…she'd have no trouble sleeping. None at all.

* * *

And Kate really did have a great night's sleep. Kate awoke early the next morning, and was startled to find herself besides Jack. For a moment she thought they were back on the island, and then remembered where she was, and all that had happened. Upon remembering, Kate had the urge to get up and run, because it was scared, at…at whatever last night meant. Was it simply a friendly understanding? No, probably not, not with how he'd acted. It was the start of something, but what exactly? A brief fling? A short term relationship? Kate hoped it wasn't either of these, with all her feelings, to know the end was looming overhead would constantly put weight on her, it would hurt. Hurt a lot. So…was it the start of something good, something real? No doubt…but…A real commitment? In the long term, love you till I die sense of the word?

To be honest, Kate wasn't sure which would be worse. Most women would be jumping up and down at the thought of a long term relationship with someone like Jack…but Kate, Kate wasn't most women. She was used to life on the run; commitment wasn't something she'd ever had to deal with before. Sure, she loved the sound of it in all those romantic fairytales, she'd love Jack to be her knight in shining armour…but could Kate handle it? Kate turned on her side to see Jack sleeping peacefully, she watched him for a while with tears in her eyes.

"I'm sorry Jack…I'm just not what you deserve, not what you need," Kate sighed, whispering, "I want to…I want to belong – with you, but…I don't…I don't know if I'll ever be able to…do this…"

Kate pushed back the covers, and crept out of the room. A short while later, Kate found herself sitting in one of the kitchen chairs, knees on the edge of the seat, with her chin resting on top, holding a steaming cup of coffee in one hand. Kate sighed, she didn't want to hurt Jack, but she knew, no matter what happened, it was inevitable; she would end up hurting Jack. Perhaps it was just best if she got away now, whilst she still could.

* * *

Kate sat in Jack's kitchen for a good half hour before Jack appeared. He flicked on the lights, and she squinted at the brightness before looking up.

"Kate?" Jack moved to sit on the chair beside her. "Are…are you okay?" Kate nodded, and then after a while shook her head.

"No…I…I don't think so." Kate sighed.

"What's wrong?" Jack asked softly.

"I've just…been thinking. Now, I don't know where we stand; with each other, but after last night…I…I'm guessing more than friends, but I don't know. Don't get me wrong Jack, I like you, I do, I really, really like you…" Kate frowned, pausing not knowing how to continue.

Jack's slight smile twisted into a confused frown, "But…"

"I don't know, I just don't think it's such a good idea, not right now. Anyway I look at it, Jack, I just…I can't see it working between us. Ever. It's not that I don't want anything, because I do, and I wish there was some way that we could work, but whatever happens, I know I'll end up hurting you. And…I don't know…if I could live with myself. I wish I had more faith in myself…in us, but I don't. Jack, I'm a runner, it's the only thing I can do properly." Kate stopped as tears filled her eyes.

"Kate…" Jack started but Kate quickly cut him off.

"No, Jack. I'm not afraid of you, or of you hurting me, I don't believe you ever would…but, even if you did, I could handle it. But I can't handle hurting you. I've tried all this love crap before…it didn't end well. The people I trust, the people I love, either I hurt them, or they hurt me. I don't want to hurt you, ever. Things always end badly; I don't remember ever having something good that lasted." Kate sighed as tears ran freely down her cheeks. "I had love before, and look how that ended. Jack…I got the guy killed. I can see it so clearly. The blood, and his face…and god, I can hear it, the gun shot. Jack it's horrible, and it hurts. It hurts like hell…he died because of me – Jack, I killed him. And there's no way I'd survive if we ended in the same way. I can't…I don't think I can risk it. I don't want to lose you, and if we have some kind of relationship…I'll get attached. And I don't want to get attached, not if I'm just gonna lose you…" Kate stopped again and sobs wracked her body.

Jack put a hand out to touch her, wipe away her tears, but she swatted him away, a look of venom and fire in her eyes, which were now more of a steely grey than a blue-green.

"Damnit Jack! I really…I just, I don't want to hear it ok?" Kate shouted sensing that he was about to speak. Jack looked taken aback and Kate's eyes softened.

"Oh god…I'm so sorry Jack." Kate slid to the floor and leant back against the cupboards. She bit her lip as more, angry tears threatened to spill from her eyes.

"See…this is what I mean, I've already hurt you." Kate looked to the floor and shook her head. "It's probably best if I just leave now…before…before anything else can happen. Jack, you don't deserve me, I've done things I'm not proud of, fuck what the court says. I've done things. Jack you deserve so much better me, you deserve someone pure, and loving, and happy and carefree. Someone that can love you so much, someone that will never leave you, never hurt you. You…you deserve…someone that can make you proud, make you happy. You deserve…someone that's not me. You don't deserve me Jack." Kate scrunched her eyes closed and sat there, shaking, and silently crying.

"Kate…" Jack put his hand on Kate's shoulder. "Kate…look at me, look at me, Kate." Jack said firmly. Slowly, Kate raised her head and looked into Jack's eyes. It was strange; somehow, just by looking into his eyes he calmed her. "You scared me Kate, for a moment you really scared me." Jack moved to sit beside her on the kitchen floor and pulled her into his embrace.

"Jack…" She breathed, clutching the T-Shirt he'd slept in, in her hands.

"Shh…Kate, it's okay, you're okay…we'll be okay Kate." Jack felt Kate shake her head against his chest. He ran a hand through her curled and slightly knotted hair. "Look, I don't give a crap about what you think I do, or don't deserve. The only thing…only person I want…is you. Got that? I'm not ready to let you go just yet. I'm not letting you walk out on me, on us. I know that you're scared, I understand that you don't want things to end up like before, and that you don't want to hurt me. But, I'm not Tom. I'm just as scared of hurting you Kate…I…I hate seeing you like this. I want you to be happy; I love it when you smile. I don't care if I'm depressed the rest of my life, I just want you to be happy…Kate, I want to be the one person that can give you everything you need, everything you want. I want to make you happy Kate…but, I can't do that if you push me away." Jack paused and kissed the top of Kate's head. "I don't know about you, but, I'm not going anywhere. I promise." Jack said firmly and honestly.

"P…Promise?" Kate managed to whisper.

"I promise. Kate…will, will you just stay, please." Jack said sounding slightly scared, tears building in his own eyes. "I need you Kate, please don't leave me…"

Kate shook her head and sighed, "I won't."

"Good," Jack smiled holding her even tighter. "Do…do you just, want to take things slowly and see what happens?"

Kate nodded, "Do you mind?" she said slowly.

Jack shook his head and let out a small, relieved laugh. "Slowly it is…" Jack replied and kissed her forehead lovingly.

* * *

A/N: My god…first I was stumbling for ideas…then…then I thought this may never stop. Turns out it's good to put all my feelings into. When I was writing Kate…argh…it was like I was channelling her feelings…I'm sitting here almost crying. Then again, today's been a bit shit…so maybe, maybe I just need to cry. Heh. Let me know what you think…reviews mean the world to me.

Vands88: Oh yay! It was amazing, so glad you thought so…God yeah, they're like…always together, even when they're not…just like on the show. I mean I watched the season 1 finale and I was sitting there going 'Right…he won't let her take the TNT 'cause what…they're JUST friends? And his hands weren't touching her longer than they needed to be…' God they're idiots. Oh yeah, and you know there was that kiss with Sawyer, she didn't look happy or relieved or anything doing that. Okay rant over…Is this soon enough?

JessluvsJate: A dream, hah…you'd be lucky…oh…idea for a fic. That's besides the point. It's not a dream. Jate is serious stuff. So, I'm not messing with you…hehe. Yet. Hah. It's because…they're both idiots. Heh, isn't there that saying 'Love is blind'. So everyone but Kate and Jack know it's written in the sand…wait that won't work. I was trying to be clever, but the sea will wash it away, lets stick with stars…

Kballgetlost: I'm getting started on the cuddling…Did ya see all that cuddling up there? - And just you wait…soon enough there'll be…Shh, don't tell anyone…but…kissing and cuddling…Aww, yay!

Angel-death-dealer: They are aren't they, I think you'll love the next chapter…hehe. Aww, I'm touched that you think I write the Jate moments really well… Oh my god I agree…read what I said to vands88. They really are idiots. And what about that hug during 'The Moth'. Now, lil' miss Katie Austin, only hugged Jack. Hmm, and all the screaming and digging and scrambling, and her almost suffocating him. Like, That's not need, and that's not love…:Rolls eyes: Why didn't she hug Charlie? Hmm. There are too many moments, that I could pick apart…heh. Man oh man, I need the box set!

Xx laurena: YAY! It's good, glad you like the awkwardness, thanks for the review.

Flight815survivor: My god! She's logged in:hides: Who are you and what have you done with the real Katy? Damn, I really miss lost…it HAS to come back soon. It's driving me fucking INSANE! Here's the update.

Jate is Fate 815: Thank you! Oh they're so getting back together…hehe.

Orlando-crazy: Ta mucho for the review.

KateLilly: Thanks for the review! We love the Jate fluff. Eek…who's we? Me, myself and I? Heh…


	6. Dangerous? Oh it's Explosive

Disclaimer: That word it self says enough…does it not?

A/N: I know this is tiny…but…I didn't want to ruin it.

* * *

The doorbell rand through Jack's apartment, startling Kate from her daze. She stood up from the couch, stretching out her freshly painted toes.

"Don't…it's probably the pizza. I'll go." Jack said passing through the living room, smiling at Kate, who flopped back down on the sofa and admired her now purple toes.

Jack placed the warm pizza on the coffee table in front of Kate. "I'll grab the popcorn and you can pick the movie." Jack said disappearing again.

By the time Jack came back, Kate had the DVD in the player ready to go, and was sitting on the couch with a wicked smile on her face. Jack put the bowl of freshly popped popcorn on the table and flipped open the pizza box, before relaxing on the sofa next to Kate.

"Oh no…" Jack whimpered starring at Kate's smirk. "Kate…please tell me you didn't…"

"And if I did?" Kate giggled.

"You'll be sorry." Jack glared at her and groaned as the menu appeared and Kate selected 'Play'. Jack grabbed a slice of pizza and crammed it into his mouth, as Kate watched him in disgust.

"Nice, real nice." Kate said as she took a smaller, daintier bite from her slice of pizza. Jack just grinned at her.

Half way through the movie, most of the pizza had been consumed and they'd moved onto the popcorn. Jack had a fistful of popcorn with his arm casually slung around Kate, as she leant against him, with her head placed on his shoulder. Jack threw some more popcorn up in the air and caught it in his mouth, and then shifted uncomfortably and moaned as a kissing scene appeared on _his_ nice big, widescreen TV.

"I'm not happy about this." He sulked.

"Oh believe me, I know…" Kate found this way too amusing for Jack's liking.

"You're meant to be my hot action girl…what happened?" Jack complained.

"Oh shut your complaining. I still like action…" Kate rolled her eyes. "I just didn't feel like an action movie tonight."

"Hmm…" Jack tugged on the ends of Kate's hair. "You're having fun aren't' you?" Jack said taking his arm away and moving towards the other end of the sofa.

Kate smiled mischievously and nodded. "What can I say? It's a good movie. Now shut up, you're missing the good bit…" Kate shoved him backwards as he stretched forwards to grab the popcorn that was in front of her.

Jack glared at her. "Miss Austin, are you deliberately torturing me?" Jack pouted.

"What would give you that impression Dr. Sheppard?" Kate laughed at his pouting, it was however childish, rather cute.

"You are, aren't you?" Jack asked.

Kate grinned as her blue-green eyes danced dangerously with mischief. As Kate turned back to the movie, Jack launched forwards and pinned her down.

"Ja-ack…" Kate pushed him back. "I'm _trying_ to watch the movie…" Kate trailed off finding herself drowning in Jack's dark eyes.

"Not that easy, you have to suffer too…" Jack said as he started tickling her middle.

"Jack!" Kate exclaimed. "Stop it!" Kate demanded as she erupted into waves of melodic laughter. Jack almost stopped on hearing Kate's angelic laugh, and Kate tried to move from under his grasp, only causing him to fight back and tickle her harder.

Kate squirmed more, as Jack poked his fingers into her side. "Jack…I swear…if you don't stop…" Kate said between laughs. Needless to say the movie was forgotten the second Kate started fighting back; part tickling him, part trying to get him off of her.

Kate had soon managed to push Jack off of her, but, unfortunately, they had landed on the floor, Kate breathing heavily as she lay on top of Jack, staring down at him. A smirk flashed on her lips, an idea forming in her head, but before she could act on it, Jack had managed to flip her over so that he was now on top as they were sandwiched between the couch and the coffee table. Jack reached an arm forward to tickle her, but Kate grabbed it and placed it on the floor by her side.

"Don't." She breathed. "If you stop…I'll…We can change the movie…" Kate tried to speak coherently but was slightly more concerned by the short distance between the two of them.

"Fine." Jack answered. He too noticed the distance, but made no effort to move. "Now this…" Jack began as he took a firm grip on Kate's squirming arms, forcing her to lie still underneath him. "Is a rather…compromising…position."

"Well…" Kate breathed heavily, "If you got up I could just change the damn movie…"

"Screw the movie." Jack said in a low, sexy voice as he ran a hand up Kate's bare arm.

"Right…" Kate thought for a moment that she could barely breathe, let alone speak.

"It seems…that this…is a rather dangerous…thing…" Jack said trailing off as the distance between the two decreased, as he moved his right hand up to her face to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Explosive." Kate agreed breathlessly.

The two stared into each others eyes for a beat, seemingly searching for something. Whatever Jack was searching for in her eyes must have been found as he ducked his head to meet hers. Their lips met in a passionate collision, due to the fact that they'd been taking things slow; this had been their first kiss since the airport, that day they took her from his arms. Jack sucked on her lower lip and ran his tongue across it, begging for entrance, begging to taste her again. She willingly obliged and allowed his tongue to seek hers. A warm feeling spread through her body, as butterflies caused havoc in her stomach whilst he explored her mouth and caressed her tongue with his.

Jack reluctantly pulled back, and drew in big, deep breaths before tenderly kissing her forehead.

"Damn Kate…" Jack muttered under his breath before stealing a chaste kiss. Kate smiled up at him and wrapped her now free arms around his neck, pulling him down so that he was on his side, lying next to her.

"Good to see my hot action girl's still there…" Jack smirked as a soft sigh escaped Kate's lips as his hand lingered on her cheek.

"I was always here." Kate laughed, "It's just too much fun not to watch you squirm…You know, if it always ends up like this…I might make you watch more chick flicks." Kate grinned, and her eyes lit up.

"Please…no, not that…" Jack said as he dipped his head to meet her lips once more.

* * *

A/N: Now I know this chapter was REALLY short…miniscule even…but…I think anything else would spoil it. I had fun writing this chapter. It was good. Besides, I've been writing too many 6 page plus chapters for my other Jate fics…which you're bound to see sooner or later

But aww…I like this chapter. It was so much fun to write. Hehe. I had inspiration and I just had to write it. This one's full of fluff, just for you lovely people. But don't think I won't throw in some angst soon…

Vands88: I know, I can't help but feel sorry for Kate…YAY! They're together…but don't expect it to be all smooth sailing.

JessluvsJate: Aww, I'm glad you liked that chapter. You didn't think I'd really let her leave now, did you? And I'm all for the breadsticks. Or…perhaps we should kidnap them…yeah…I'm liking this idea…lock them in my imaginary basement…hehe…tie them to their chairs…and not let them out till they've talked everything out, and have decided what to do. Basically lets not let them out until they decide they need to be with each other…

Kballgetlost: Oh yeah…there was some lip action here…And, there'll be more to come. YAY!

RoSePiink: I'm working on it, I won't let things do down without a fight. You can expect a happy ending from me. Wink,wink.

KatyWho'sNoLongerLoggedIn: YAY! You're back :Jumps up and down: Woot! The aliens did get you, or did they just return you because you fought too hard? HMM. Thanks for the review….I do think you mentioned my fic once. Hehe…

Angel-death-dealer: I don't it's not fair! And I want to see season 2! It's not fair! Jack does love her…it's so obvious. Of course he doesn't want her to get hurt…I'm thinking back to Exodus…hehe. If he doesn't tell her he loves her soon…we'll march down the set and hit them round the heads with frying pans. But not hard…him…perhaps a blow up frying pan might work better? Wouldn't actually want to hurt them, just knock some sense into them…

Jate is Fate 815: Ta for the review! I'm glad you liked the last chapter. I almost can't wait to see what happens next…I have these ideas, and then the story goes and writes itself…Go figure. Bad story, rebel story. Haha.


	7. Is that an Invitation?

A/N: As usual, I have NO clue where I'm going with this…yet. Expect some angst soon…but I'm holding that for a few chapters. Just, argh…I'm a write some fluff…

Woot! I've got 3190 hits:D YAYNESS! 191 of those were for last chapter alone. yay. On other subjects...did you know that there's a Teletubbies fandom? With a whole 108 fics...thats well...a lot more than Threshold. Hmmph. The scariness...

Disclaimer: Man I wish I owned Lost. Have you seen the guys on Lost? Talk about hot:P

* * *

Two nights later Kate found herself lying restless on the bed in the guest room. What little sleep she had managed to get in small snatches, she awoke fearfully, in a cold sweat, sometimes crying, and one time she bit so hard on her lip, in fear that she could cry out for Jack, and he would come running. She didn't want him to see her like this. 

Kate groaned, 3a.m., and all she could think about was being with Jack. Ghosts from her past still haunted her, during the night her senses were heightened with fear, the tiniest of noises made her jump. Perhaps someone had found her, knew what she'd done, fuck what the jury said, if someone wanted her, they'd get her, they could…Kate didn't want to think like that. She wanted to move on, to be with Jack, and be happy. But she still worried. She smiled; like an expert Jack could ease her fears and worries, with a look, a gentle caress, a hug and the brushing of his lips on her forehead.

Kate flipped over, buried her head in the pillow and blinked back the tears. They were stinging at her eyes, she was almost too scared to sleep, but too scared to lay awake. She tried to sleep, but it was more hassle than it was worth. Just trying to relax was hard enough. Kate kept tossing and turning, jolting awake every 10 minutes or so.

Eventually, half an hour late, Kate peeled back the covers and untangled herself from the sheets. She shivered as her feet hit the cold wooden floor, and ran to the door. She opened the door cautiously and looked up and down the hallway, as if she was expecting something…anything…to jump out from the shadows and grab her. When nothing moved, and nothing looked abnormal, the apartment quiet and the shadows calm and still; Kate ventured out into the hallway and shuffled along the corridor towards Jack's room.

She tapped lightly on the door and eased if open. She looked towards the bed and her eyes rested on Jack's peaceful form. His bed looked so tempting.

"Jack?" She called out softly in a quiet voice and stepped closer towards him. "Jack…" She gently laid a hand on his shoulder, to see if he was wake. She drew in a sharp breath as he stirred and stepped backwards.

"Kate?" Jack asked as he blinked, slowly opening his eyes and turning towards her.

"Oh…I…I'm sorry…I, didn't want to wake you…" Kate looked at her feet.

"Kate…" Jack flicked on the bedside light, sat up and looked at her. Instantly Kate noticed concern etched into his features. "Are you okay?"

"Ye…I don't…" Kate sighed and shook her head. She bit her lip and looked at him with fear in her eyes. "Not really…"

Jack slid over in the bed, and drew the covers back, "Come here."

Kate quickly ran towards the bed, and sat on the side. She turned to look at him and drew her legs up to her knees. He noticed the look of confusion on her face, and quickly drew her towards him, placing the covers over her. He slid back down, so that he was lying, he then pulled her down so that she was lying next to him, he kept one hand over her stomach, and with the other he caressed her cheek.

"Hey…Kate, what's wrong?" He placed a soft kiss on her temple and held on to her tight.

"I…I don't know…I was cold, and tired. I can't sleep…and…I…I'm scared. I'm all edgy and it's horrible. Jack…I…I really need you." She said and buried her face in his shoulder, finally letting the tears, which had been building up behind her eyes, out.

As she'd turned onto her side, he ran his hand comfortingly up and down her back, trying to calm her. He kissed her hair and whispered soothing words in her ear.

"Kate…its okay Kate, you're okay…I've got you. I'm not going to let anything hurt you. You know you're safe here."

Jack felt Kate nod against him and then pull back slightly. She looked up with bleary eyes but at least she'd stopped crying.

"Thank you…I'm sorry, Jack." She sniffled.

"I thought that's what I'm here for…" Kate smiled at that and he smiled back.

"Now," Jack started, "You know I won't make you if you don't want to…but will you tell me what this is all about." Kate drew back slightly and nodded. She moved her hand down to meet Jack's that was softly balancing on her hip; she took it in her hand, and watched as their fingers meshed together and intertwined.

"I…I just…I get scared sometimes. The past…my past…it haunts me, and I hate it. You know I might never be able to get away from it…" Kate looked up at him, wondering what his reaction would be.

"I know."

"I'm glad I'm free, but part of me doesn't think I should be. I've done bad things, perhaps not as bad as I was accused off; and the jury let me off…and I…" Kate paused and shook her head. "I lie awake at night, alone, and I can't sleep. When I do I get…nightmares, except, sometimes they're real, or almost real. I see people, and things I've done. And then I wake up, feeling edgy and scared, sometimes I wake up crying…" Kate bit her lip and looked down. "I stare at the ceiling, and all I can think is; what if someone decides the jury are wrong? What if someone finds out where I am and comes after me?"

"Oh Kate…" Jack leant over and kissed her cheek. "I won't let anyone get to you, I won't let anyone hurt you; I promise." He tilted her chin up. "Kate, no-one's coming after you, and no-ones taking you away from here…from me." Kate smiled weakly at him, and looked hard into his soothing brown eyes.

"You…you're amazing. You know that?" Kate sighed. "It amazes me that you're with me; that you want to be with me. I can't think why anyone, especially you, would want to be with someone like me, with so much…baggage." Kate looked back down, and shrugged.

Jack shook his head, and brought her head up to look at him again.

"Kate, you know none of that matters to me, you are all that matters. I don't care about what you have or haven't done; in face, sometimes I'm thankful. Everything you've ever done, it makes you who you are today; and I love who you are today." He tenderly brought his lips to hers and kissed her softly. "You know that Katie…"

Kate stopped him, looking almost hurt for a moment. If it were anyone else she would have shouted at him, slapped him maybe. But not Jack, it sounded right coming from him.

"No…no-one's called me Katie for years…not since Tom…"

"I'm sorry Kate; I didn't mean to…it just sort of slipped. I don't want to hurt you…" Jack apologized.

"Jack…it's fine. It sounded strange for a moment…but right. It sounded good coming from you, that way you said it. I always thought being called that would hurt so much…but it doesn't. It almost makes me feel like the old me again." Kate smiled at him, and then yawned. Jack smiled at her.

"I'm sorry for waking you up…but it really helped to talk about it…" Kate turned from him, "I'll probably be able to go back to sleep now…"

Jack reached out and wrapped an arm around her waist; he flipped off the light with his other hand, and pulled her back to the bed.

He pulled her close to him, and placed her head on his chest.

"You're not going anywhere tonight…"

"Ja-ack…I…I…I have a bed waiting for me…" Kate said, but made no move to get out of his embrace.

"So make that two beds." Jack smiled and kissed her hair.

"Jack."

"Kate, I'm serious. You're staying here, with me. That way; if you need me, you don't have to go anywhere. Kate, you should never worry about disturbing me; you're my girl, so you're the only one that's always allowed to disturb me without feeling guilty." Jack chuckled slightly and Kate nodded into his chest, and traced his jawline with her hand.

"Thank you." She whispered to him.

"And if it helps; you can sleep here tomorrow too…and the next night, and the next…"

"Is that an invitation?" Kate said smiling up at him.

"Oh yeah…it makes sense. I think…" Jack smiled back at her.

"Then I might just take you up on that offer." Kate said nestling against Jack's chest, getting comfortable. He just kissed her hand, before draping his arm over her, and neither of them said a word more. It wasn't long before Kate's breathing had evened out, and he knew that she was asleep. Jack, himself, smiled contentedly, as he slipped into dream world, glad that he had that affect on Kate. If he could have it his way; she'd never have to be scared, or hurt, or worried. If he could have it his way; they'd live happily ever after.

* * *

The next morning Jack woke before Kate, he settled himself so that he was lying on his side, his elbow on the bed and his hand propping up his head. He looked to the sleeping beauty beside him, and thought she looked so peaceful and beautiful…happy even. She had a small smiled on her face, so she can't have been dreaming about her past like she was crying over earlier. Jack smiled peacefully as he caressed her cheek and kissed her forehead. 

As Kate stirred from her peaceful slumber Jack placed a kiss on her lips.

"Now that, a girl could get used to…" She sat smiling at him, opening her eyes to see him hovering over her.

"You'd better." Jack said meeting her lips for another kiss. "You look so…" Jack looked into her eyes, staring back at him serenely, "peaceful…beautiful…" Jack leant down again, but this time Kate pushed him back and rolled out from underneath him.

"Kate!" Jack complained as he fell into the pillows.

"As much as I love the compliments, and enjoy your kisses…I need coffee; and at the very least we need some toothpaste…" Kate smiled as Jack rolled over and mock pouted.

"Fine." Jack mumbled, stretching and brushing past Kate to go to the bathroom.

Kate also disappeared into her bathroom, and emerged 10 minutes later with clean teeth, neatly brushed hair, and clean clothes.

Kate slowly wandered into the kitchen to be greeted by Jack with an outstretched arm and a mug of coffee, just the way she liked it. She hopped up onto the counter top beside Jack, and as soon as she was settled quickly grabbed the coffee from Jack, smiling at him sweetly, all the while giving him a 'Mine!' look with her eyes.

"I'm sure this can't be healthy…" Jack muttered and then saw Kate's mock angry glare and shook his head, "Don't worry Katie, you can have your coffee. I know better than to come between you…" He patted her knee lightly and she swatted him away, half smiling.

"It's perfectly healthy Jack…Especially when coffee's as good as this."

"Yes Kate…" He kissed her softly. "Remind me to _never_ take you to Starbucks…" He laughed quietly as her eyes lit up like a young child thinking of going to Disney.

"But Jaaaaaaack…" Kate smiled sweetly and batted her eyelashes; "Please? I really, really want a Starbucks…please." She grinned, "You know you love me." Kate sipped at her coffee and then placed it on the side next to her and stretched her arms around Jack's neck, bringing him closer to her.

"Oh Katie, Katie, Kate," Jack grinned. "It's for your own good. I'm only protecting you in the long run." He pushed a strand of hair back behind her hair and murmured, "Protecting the rest of the world from you, more like."

"I heard that!" Kate hit his chest lightly. "I'm not _that_ bad!" Her face crumpled and a look of worry settled on her features. "Oh god…am I?" She bit her lip in anticipation.

"Relax Kate; you are not that bad. I understand that you love and need your coffee more than me. I know better than to question it." He smirked. "But it is fun to wind you up about it."

Kate sighed, "Quit smirking babe, doesn't suit you." With that she hopped off the counter and ducked under his arms, as she reached the door she turned back to him and smiled. "Leave that to me." Kate laughed as she collapsed into Jack's comfy couch.

Jack glared at her in mock annoyance, but inside he was smiling. The pure domestic-ness of the scene, it seemed to fit. She seemed to fit. Everything seemed so perfect with her here. Of course, it had been little over a week, in reality, but it felt so much longer, and he wouldn't have it any other way. Every move she made, every thing she said, the quips she made, the looks directed at him…it just seemed…so god damn right. Perfect, almost. As much as he knew it scared her, things were moving faster than intended, but it felt so right, so normal. Although she wouldn't admit it, she loved the way things were, loved being with him, loved being accepted and cherished; she loved him. Jack smiled as he sat on the sofa beside Kate and wrapped his arm around her shoulder as she curved towards him. Life was good…better than good. And he'd work as hard as could to make it stay that way. They'd been fairly serious before, but half of it was just island fun, island love…wasn't it? Now that they were back in the real world, with plenty of things to keep them grounded, it still seemed very similar. It even scared Jack just how much he felt for Kate, how much he loved her, how serious he was about her.

* * *

A/N: Aww…it's so cute and fluffy…man they need to get over it and get laid. :P I'm not sure where to go next. I've got big ideas…it's just, how to get there. I'm planning some angst, but ahh…I want to prolong the domestic bliss, if you will. God it's like they're already married. 

Hmm…does anyone else think they're bonding over coffee to much in this fic?

Okay…I need a favour…and before you throw rocks at me (please don't they DO hurt – if you kill me I can't write no more Jateness) this HAS to happen for the story to pan out. We need some angst. Right…it turns out I SUCK at writing fights…I just can't think. What can Jack and Kate fight about? Please let me know if you have any ideas.

I love you all so much for reviewing my fic so far. I've thanked most people personally (as personal as you can get with a review reply), but I haven't, thank you – I appreciate the review.

And being stuck in this…limbo…between seasons 1 and 2 is killing me. I'm all GAH for the Jateness…or lack thereof in the limbo. Does anyone know when S2 comes to the UK? And Spring doesn't help. Hmmph.


	8. Kate's feelings

Disclaimer: Get it through your thick skull: I DO NOT OWN LOST! But I want to!

A/N: Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck. I think that's the right words. I skipped this chapter, which is such a pain in the ass. GAH! Oh well…so I've replaced what should be Chapter 9 with this, and moved Chapter 9 to the right place. I guess this makes you extra lucky cause it's a double, accidental, update.

GRRR…I thought I'd already posted this…

* * *

A month and a half later Jack and Kate had settled into a daily routine. Jack had returned to work at the nearest hospital as surgeon, and Kate had got herself a job in a small convenience store a few blocks away; although Jack was happy to provide for her, and had the money, she'd wanted to contribute besides she'd also told him 'I'm bored sitting on my ass all day.'

Kate stumbled through the door and swore as she entered the bedroom.

"Crappy, pile of shit, good for nothin' job!" She moaned as she pulled off her work shirt and flung it on the bed, as she entered the bathroom. Just from this small display it wouldn't be wrong to say that Kate disliked the job, not so much the job but the people, specifically her boss. She also hated the stripy lime green and grey shirt, and the white badge she was forced to wear that read 'Katherine'. Her boss was, hopefully, near retiring, overweight, and she was sure that he kept checking her out. If there was anything better for Kate to do, she'd quit in an instance. At least the pay was good…well, by saying good, meant she'd had worse.

Kate sighed as she stepped into the steaming shower, and lost herself among the heat and the water.

Jack entered his apartment to hear the water running, and smiled knowing that Kate was home. He immediately walked into the bedroom to hang up his jacket; he loosened his tie and searched for something more comfortable that he could wear.

By the time Kate came out of the bathroom, Jack was sitting on the couch, his legs propped up on the coffee table as he read through some paperwork. He looked up to see Kate enter the room. Her previously straightened hair, hung around her shoulders in loose curls, still damp from her shower. Jack thought the way her hair hung, and the way her clothes clung to her still damp body along with the slightly steamy glow made her look beautiful, however, there was something that could be said about her slightly pissed expression.

"Coffee hun?" Jack greeted her holding out the much loved coffee. (A/N: Damn there it is again…ugh, I don't even DRINK coffee…)

"Hmm, thanks." She mumbled, graciously taking it from him. "Think I could do with something stronger…" Kate said placing the mug of warm liquid on the table, and sitting beside Jack, feet curled up under her and head rested on his shoulder. "Didn't hear you come in."

"You were in the shower." He kissed her forehead. "Work that bad?" He put the papers on the floor beside the couch and placed his arm around her.

"Jack, it's horrible! I swear…if there wasn't anything better to do…It's driving me insane. I hate it." She sighed.

"I know you do…You know, you don't have to work, especially there, not if you don't want to. I know you want to contribute, but it's not like I don't have enough money, even if you just stay at home whilst looking for another job. You really shouldn't have to suffer Kate."

"I know." Kate pouted, "But I want to work! And you know what I'm like…"

"Yeah; but what happened to the 'Kate doesn't take crap from no-one' attitude?" Jack asked.

Kate shrugged and turned to look at him. "I'll stick it out to the end of the month. If that…creep…is still gawking at me, I'm taking all my leave at once and hightailing it outta there." Kate smirked.

Jack grinned and kissed her cheek, "That's my girl."

After their meal of Chinese take out had been eaten and washed up, the couple returned to the sofa. Jack watched the TV as Kate lay across the sofa, head in his lap staring up at him.

"Jaaack?" She asked in that playful tone that he had come to recognise as the tone she used when she wanted something, particularly from him.

Jack smiled, "What do you want?"

"Jack!" Kate gasped in mock horror. "What makes you think I want something?"

"I guess you could say I know you to well." He smiled and stretched his arms before replacing them where they had rested previously, one hand in Kate's hair, the other resting peacefully on her stomach.

"Will you take me to the mall at the weekend, please? I wanna go shopping." Kate asked nicely.

"The mall? Why? I took you shopping the other week." Jack groaned at the thought of Kate dragging him around some crappy mall; of course he'd be the one to carry all her bags, and most likely pay for everything.

"You don't seriously expect to a girl to live in just six outfits?" Kate sat up.

Jack shrugged, "I don't know."

"Well, a girl can't. Besides, I need new shoes. You like shoe shopping don't you?" Kate patted his leg and smirked at the grimace on his face.

"Only if I get to sit in food court whilst your shoe shopping…"

"Just be thankful I'm not Shannon." Kate laughed, and even Jack smiled at that. "I'll try not to make you suffer…too much." Kate said lying back in his lap.

After a moment of silence Jack said, "I don't have a choice do I?"

"Nope." Kate said and hooked her arm around his neck pulling him down for a kiss.

After a series of short, sweet, tender kisses the couple lapsed into silence, Jack having turned the TV off.

"Jack?" Kate traced his jawline.

"Huh?"

"Do you ever find it weird…that, we haven't been on a real date, yet?" Kate asked looking up at him, as he looked down at her.

Jack's forehead crumpled in thought, as she traced the lines with her index finger. "Not really, I haven't thought about. I mean, we're hardly the normal couple." He chuckled lightly. "Most couples don't fall in love on an island, after their plane crashed. Most couples don't get rescued only to be torn apart…"

Kate looked up with a slightly pained expression on her face, and cupped his cheek, before sitting up and placing each of her legs on either side of his, pulling him into a kiss.

"We found our way back to each other though…" She whispered.

"We did." He pushed a tendril of hair off of her face tenderly. "Most couples…" Jack thought of mentioning that most couples don't consist of a convict and a doctor, that normal couples don't spend time with the other in jail – charged of murder, most don't have to sit through a court process of people deciding her fate. Most couples don't drift when she does go to jail, and most separated couples don't live with each other, and don't fall in love again…

"Most couples aren't you and me, Kate." Jack sighed, as she leant her forehead on his shoulder. "Do you want me to take you out? Properly, on an official date?" He kissed the top of her head. She shrugged and leant back, keeping her hands placed firmly on his shoulders.

"I don't know…Maybe. I'd like to be more normal." Kate smiled. "Nothing fancy though, Jack. I mean…I don't have a dress…or even a skirt. Hence, the need for the mall!" Kate grinned and kissed his cheek.

"Hmm…" Jack ran a hand through her now dry curls, parting them. "What are the kids doing these days, for first dates?"

"Something like movies and dinner?" Kate shrugged, "I've been out the circle just as long as you have." She laughed slightly; "You want to start right at the beginning?"

"Well, it makes sense, doesn't it?" Jack asked.

"Yes but…you realise…we've been together for…what, we were together…the best part of two years on the island, right?" Kate thought out loud, and Jack nodded. "And two months after…well, you know. But even when we couldn't see each other…I think, deep down, we thought we were still together…I mean, it seemed like we were at first, before we weren't sure what the other thought." She paused as she ran a hand through is short brown hair, "I think…we were together, even before we got together on the island, Jack. It's like…we were never _just_ friends." Kate screwed her eyes shut and shook her head slightly, gathering her thoughts. "What I mean is…we've been together so long…it feels like forever; so it's just strange thinking of going on our first date, when we should be on like…our hundredth." Kate laughed.

"Well, when you say it like that…" He kissed her forehead.

"Besides…you'd be **_really_** lucky to get to first base on a first date. The most you'd get is a short goodnight kiss at the door. Just to conform to First Date Rules; I'd have to go back to the guest bedroom. If we're doing it properly…people don't sleep together after just one date." Kate grinned at his slightly startled expression, trying to figure out if she meant it literally, or something more…fun. "In any sense of the word, Jack."

"So…What do you want to do?"

"We could still go on a date…just, no numbers attached." Kate leant forwards and met his lips with a kiss. "No numbers…no confusion about what happens afterwards…" She grinned.

"If that's what you're insinuating…" Jack brought her mouth to his, and kissed her passionately. "Why wait for a date?"

"Jack!" She hit him lightly on the chest. "We've waited this long…you can wait a little longer. Besides, I want to remember it as something special."

"Anything I do with you is." Jack said softly and Kate shook her head.

"Nice try doctor." Kate repositioned herself so that she was lying across him as before. "I'm not in the mood right now. I just…I want to be quiet and just be with you."

"I understand, Kate. I do. I was just surprised you were bringing it up. Kate; I know what this means to you…You know I'd wait forever if you wanted me to." He said as he smoothed down her hair.

"I know…But like I was saying…it's been two years. I…I just want you to know how much you mean to me. Jack…lately, you've been my rock. Seriously…thank you, for everything. You really are different, most people…most people would forget I exist, or hate me…or something. People don't react well when they know everything I've done wrong, everything I've been through. But you…you've been here when I needed you, and I'm so thankful. Most people wouldn't have supported me throughout the trial…and everything else." Kate sighed and looked up at him. "You really do mean a lot to me. You haven't run from me, and more importantly; with you, I don't feel like I have to run anymore. It's time to put the past behind me and move on…with you." She smiled up at him. "You know, I never did stop loving you. I love you Jack…so much." There, she'd said it know, what she'd wanted to say for a long time, but hadn't been able to since the airport scene.

"I love you too." He said and bent down to capture her lips with his own.

* * *

A/N: And…AWWWWW! It's probably not my best, and it's a BIG filler chapter. Heh. Five page random drabble. Quit the eye rolling! There'll probably be one chapter more of fluff. And then the angst starts! WOO! 


	9. That Dress

Disclaimer: I don't own a thing. Seriously…thinking about it…nothing I brought is actually MINE, because the money comes from my allowance, so is kinda my parents…Does that make sense? These words…these words are mine though. That's something, huh?

Okay, this really is in the right place, it follows on from last chapter, it's not essential to read the real chapter 8, but it's just some random fluff, and I love yous…heh. Gah, I'm an idiot, huh?

* * *

"Hey, Kate." Jack called Kate over to where he was standing in one of the many shops at their local mall. "You should try this…" He smiled, holding out an evening dress for her.

"Jack…it's nice and all…but there's no way I can afford that. Not if I want anything else." Kate said softly.

"Ah…maybe not, but I can." He smiled sheepishly.

"Jack…"

"At least try it on…and, if we get it, then at least I can take you out somewhere nice." Jack tried again.

"But Jack…" Kate shook her head.

"Kate." Jack placed a hand on the small of her back. "You want me to push you into the changing rooms myself?" He pushed her forwards slightly.

A few minutes later, Jack was sitting in a chair, holding Kate's bags, waiting for her to show him the dress.

"Jack," She pulled back the curtain, "Zip me up please?" she said with her back turned to him. He stepped forwards and eased the zip up her back, as she held her hair out the way. His hands lingered on her shoulders for a moment before he stepped back.

As he stepped back Kate twirled around, giving him full view of the floor length, low cut black dress. He stared at her, mouth open wide. It hugged her figure in all the right places. And while being low cut, it wasn't too low, showing just the right amount of cleavage for Jack.

"Jack?" Kate asked smiling at him.

"Huh?" He said as Kate's voice brought him back to Earth.

"What do you think?" She said gesturing to the dress.

He nodded slowly before he managed to speak. "You are _so_ getting that."

"So you like it?" Kate asked, glancing sideways at the mirror, admiring herself. Jack just raised his eyebrow in question. Kate stepped back into the changing cubicle. "You know Jack…you really don't have to buy me the dress…"

"I know." Jack smiled at her words, it was so typical, she never wanted him to go to any trouble; but he'd walk to the end of the World, if she asked him to. "I want to…it looks good."

"On me or the floor?" Kate asked laughing slightly. Outside she could hear Jack cough nervously, and couldn't help but poke her head out, to see if he blushed or not. He did, and she laughed. "Come on Jack…" He looked up, not wanting to meet her eyes. "I saw that look in your eyes. You were clearly checking me out, and wondering how long it would take for it to hit the floor." Kate smiled.

"No…" Jack looked around the room, anywhere but Kate. "Maybe."

"Thank you." Kate said as she returned to the cubicle and finished putting her clothes back on.

* * *

"I still can't believe you wouldn't take me to Starbucks!" Kate exclaimed as the couple re-entered their apartment. She dropped her bags in the hall and made her way to the kitchen Jack following her.

"I didn't have enough time to call ahead and warn them?" Jack asked, seeing if she'd believe him.

"I am _not_ that bad Jack! Why wouldn't you take me?" Kate asked.

"Because…you worship my coffee." Jack smiled, "I don't want you to suddenly go off of my coffee and demand some tall double latte from Starbucks when you so desire." Kate started laughing and Jack looked up wounded. "What?" He asked.

"It's just…isn't it funny, that we only ever bicker over coffee?" Jack laughed at her comment and pulled her to him.

"We flirt over coffee too…"

"We're so weird." Kate mused.

"Ha! I'm not weird." Jack denied the weirdness. "You're the only weird one in this apartment. And somehow, I still love you." Jack said as he leant down for a kiss. "Besides, you're mine. I'm not about to share you with Starbucks. No matter how good their coffee is."

Kate laughed, "Not half as good as your cheese." Kate said taking a step back.

"Are you implying that I'm cheesy?" Jack asked and Kate nodded. "I am not!"

"You keep telling yourself that." Kate said softly patting his chest. "You're just lucky that I like it." Kate grinned up at him.

* * *

"So…do I get that fashion show now?" Jack asked as they re-entered the apartment, after having dinner at a casual restaurant.

"Took you a while to ask." Kate observed.

"I'm not…I was enjoying your company." Jack smiled as Kate grabbed his hand.

"Come with me…" Her eyes lit up mischievously as she dragged Jack off towards the bedroom. She stopped outside the bedroom door, and ran her hand along the side of Jack's face before pulling him in for a soft kiss. "Wait here." She whispered into his ear, and all he could do was nod.

Kate opened the door a few minutes later, and leant against the doorway, trying to see how long it would take for Jack to notice she'd opened the door.

"Jack…"

Jack's head snapped at her voice, and his eyes took in her appearance. She was wearing _that_ dress. He was starting to think that perhaps it wasn't such a good idea to buy her that dress, not if it made him feel…well like he did. He took three steps forward and then took her hand and pulled her forwards.

"That dress…" He whispered pulling her closer. "Makes you look…" He kissed her neck lightly. "Amazing."

He released his hold, and took her hand in his and spun her around.

"You're so beautiful." He said and then pulled her close so he could seal it with a kiss.

"Not so bad yourself." She smirked and stepped backwards pulling him into the room. He smiled as he kicked the door, and spun around so that he had backed her up against the door. He placed one hand on the door and one just above her hip; he scooted closer and captured her lips with his. The kiss deepened as he begged for entry, and Kate groaned into his mouth. Kate felt her knees weaken, and was thankful that Jack had her backed against the door; otherwise she'd already be on the floor. As it was, she swayed slightly, and Jack tightened his grip on her and pushed her further against the door to stop her from falling, all the while exploring her mouth.

"Jack…" She said breathlessly. She looked into his eyes and could see endless amount of love and lust for her in them. For a second it scared her, before she remembered that she felt the same way.

"Hmm." He mumbled as he ducked his neck to place a trail of kisses down her neck and along her collar bone.

"I…I'm losing myself…I'm drowning in you." She gasped as he bit her lightly and sucked on the skin at the base of her neck. Her hand ran through his hair, and then, using the other she forced him to look back up at her.

"I know you are Katie…" He leant forwards again, but before he kissed her whispered, "I love you so much it hurts baby, to have you so close…and so far…You're my world." He then kissed her tenderly.

"You okay?" He asked, pulling back, as he felt her sway again.

She nodded. "Yeah…how…how long…" She kissed him, and tugged at his shirt.

"How long what?" He asked stepping back so that she could pull his shirt off over his head. She smiled at ran a hand up his bare chest, he saw her eyes darken with lust, and he pulled her towards him as he stepped backwards.

"Will it take you…to get this dress on the floor?" She smiled as she snaked her arms around his neck and pulled him down for another kiss.

"Not long…" He stepped back, drinking her in. "Not long at all baby…" He kissed her neck, and then reached round her neck to tug on the zip; carefully he slid the dress of her shoulders and off her arms, kissing her shoulder on the way. And like he said, it didn't take long, seconds even.

She didn't give him a chance to look at her properly before her lips were back on his, and her hands were hovering around the waist line of his jeans. She hooked her thumb through the belt loops as she bit his bottom lip playfully. His hands were running through her hair, one massaging the bottom of her scalp, it was driving her insane and caused her to whimper as she couldn't concentrate on losing his jeans. He immediately understood and helped her with his jeans.

Jack stepped back and his eyes scanned every inch of her body, from her feet right up to her eyes. He stepped forwards, placing his hands just below her waist and running his thumbs over her angular hip bones. He breathed heavily, after this…after he peeled off her underwear; there would be no going back. He didn't want to hurt her, didn't want to scare her, he had to know.

"Kate?" He asked softly.

"Yeah?" She said looking into his eyes.

"Are…are you sure? Do you trust me? Are you ready?" He asked in a soft whisper.

"I trust you Jack…and we wouldn't be here if I wasn't ready. I love you." She said softly.

"I love you too…" He stated before kissing her tenderly. He slid her bra strap down, and kissed the skin where it had been before lowering her onto the bed.

"These new?" He breathed as he hovered over her, staring at her chest, which was rising and falling far faster than usual. She nodded, and he smiled. "I like them." Was all he said before ducking down and kissing her passionately.

Carefully he slid a hand under her back, to unfasten the bra. She sat up to give him better access, and he pulled back from the kiss so that he could remove the piece of clothing. Whilst his tongue explored her mouth, she tugged on his boxers, trying to remove them. After they were off, he knelt above her, and ran his finger along the length of Kate's body. From the base of her neck, down between her breasts, stopping finally at her navel, just inches above her panties. His hands wandered back up to her breasts; as he bent down to kiss each one tenderly.

"Jack…" She moaned in pleasure. He then returned his lips to hers, and pushed the hair from her face.

"Jack…" She said again, this time louder and stronger. "Jack please…I…I need you…" She whispered to him as she pulled him down to kiss her.

Jack needed no more words, as he carefully removed the offending material between him and his lover, careful not to rip it; he wanted to see that on her again.

Jack bent down to kiss her again.

"I love you." He said looking into her eyes, into her soul. He then revelled in the feeling of finally being able to be so close after so long.

* * *

A/N: Please let me know what you think. I'm really unsure of this chapter. I liked the beginning…and then…hmm. I don't know. Oh well. On the scale of things in this fic…it's actually not MAJORLY important so…heh. 


	10. It's just bad timing

Disclaimer: Hah, I wish…but sadly, it's just not mine. Trust me, if it was…Jack and Kate would have gotten together early on in season one…but they didn't…

* * *

My temperature is rising,  
Blood pressure is building,  
I'm about to lose control...

And you don't know what I'm going through and,  
You might think it's all about you,  
But its everything,  
I've been holding back,  
It's just bad timing  
To come at me like that

* * *

Kate paced back and forth along the width of the bedroom. She felt a storm brewing inside of her and she couldn't calm it down, she didn't know how to…and that scared her. Coffee didn't help, the hot shower didn't help…even the vodka didn't do a thing. She was getting restless, something had to give, she couldn't cope like this much longer.

"Kate?" Jack called out to her as he entered the apartment. Late again, the third time this week.

"Bedroom." She yelled back. She stopped pacing and tried to calm herself…if Jack saw her like this…it wouldn't be pretty. Perhaps he could comfort her.

"Hey…what's wrong?" He asked softly looking into her eyes.

"You're late." She stated plainly.

"I know Kate…I'm sorry. Afternoon surgery overran and then I got stuck in traffic – there was an accident on the highway." He stepped towards her and she stepped back slightly, Jack looked at her in confusion.

"You could have called." Kate said out of teary eyes, her voice breaking. "I've been going out of my mind."

"Kate…" Jack stepped forwards and pulled her into his arms, he was surprised that she struggled, but he was stronger than her so held tightly. "I know…I'm sorry."

"Hmmph." Kate moaned and then finally found herself giving in and cried against Kate's shoulder.

"Kate." Jack lifted her chin and kissed her softly, "Will you please tell me what's wrong? I know it's not just that I'm late home. I can't help if you don't tell me." He said softly caressing the side of her face.

Kate nodded slowly and then stepped out of his embrace. "I'm going mad Jack." She whispered.

"What? No you're not!" Jack replied.

"I am Jack. I'm going insane…everything…everything is getting to me." She said softly.

"Am I?"

"I don't want…" Kate turned away and refused to look at him.

"Am I driving you mad Kate?"

"Jack…"

"Am I?" He demanded his voice raised slightly louder.

"Right now? YES!" She shouted. Jack stepped backwards and stared at her in disbelief.

"How?" He asked lowly.

"I don't fucking know! I just can't cope! What, are we playing 20 questions?" Kate snapped.

"I'm sorry you feel that way." Jack said lowly, and was interrupted by the shrill ringing of the telephone. "We can continue…this after I get that." Jack said sternly exiting the room.

* * *

Angry tears streamed down Kate's face as she grabbed a duffel bag and crammed in some of her clothes. She felt like she was drowning…slowly suffocating. She knew, deep down, that Jack was the only one who could save her, but right now, she just couldn't be bothered. At that moment in time, Kate just wanted to be on her own and be able to collapse into herself. She wanted to distance herself from absolutely everything. She needed to get away, needed to run…it had been so long, she didn't want to run, didn't want to leave him, but she was slowly going crazy.

"What the hell are you doing?" Jack asked from the doorway staring at her with a look of utter disbelief.

"What does it look like Jack? I'm leaving." Kate said crossly zipping the bag up.

"Don't." He said loudly.

"I have to." She cried.

"Kate, don't you dare leave." He said his voice rising slightly; he stepped up to the bed and grabbed her arm.

"Let me go Jack!" She yelled and tried to tear herself free.

"Please don't." He said softly, with desperation and tears in his eyes. "Don't leave me…"

She shook her head slowly and stepped back from him. "I have to." She muttered angrily.

"Why?" He quietly asked.

"Because…" She looked up at him with tears in her eyes and wished that this scene wasn't playing out. "Because…"

"You don't even have a reason do you?" He accused her, jaw clenched tight and a look of pain and anger on his face. Almost like he was being betrayed.

"Jack…" She sobbed. "I can't stay here…I can't. Not anymore. I'm going mad, this place is driving me insane. I feel like I'm suffocating…"

"I can help." He tried.

"Not this time, Jack. You can't." She looked down to the floor.

"Why? Why do you think you have to leave?" He begged.

"Because _this_ is fucking killing me. My past is catching up with me, I don't understand it, and there's no way you can even begin to. You don't know me Jack, you don't know what I've done, what I'm capable of."

"I do…I was there at your court trials. I know everything about you."

"Whatever. I can't escape from what I've done and you can't help me. I refuse to drag you into my mess. I'm sorry Jack, you really don't deserve this." She lowered her voice. "I wish things were different Jack, because I love you. But this is how it's going down, and I'm not dragging you down with me. You need to wake up and smell the crappy roses. We can't be together. We can't."

"We can!" He yelled back.

"I don't want to fight with you." She sighed and shook her head, as she tried to keep her voice down. "But we can't be together properly. I can't give you all of me…you'll never, ever understand. I'm too complicated, I'm too messed up. You can't fix me Jack."

"I don't want to fix you Katie. I love you the way you are…" Jack said softly.

"Don't call me Katie!" Kate snapped stepping closer to him a look of fire and rage in her green eyes. "The last thing I need right now, is for you to fucking call me Katie!"

"I…I…I…uh…"

"What?" She shouted.

"I'm sorry…I didn't…I…" He apologized.

"Oh cut the crap Jack. How dare you…I told you the past is haunting me. I told you! I said you wouldn't understand and you don't. You know that's what _he_ used to call me. You know that!" She stared at him in disbelief and gasped for a breath. "And we're in the middle of a fight…how can you be so fucking insensitive?"

"I said I'm sorry Kate."

"And I said cut the crap. I don't believe you…" She stared at him, pain in her eyes, and a part of him just wanted to wrap her up in his arms and tell her everything would be okay. Another part of him, the angrier part knew she was pushing his button and felt that he was about to explode. She was being a bitch, and he didn't care about her. Except, he did.

"Well if that's how you feel go right ahead and walk away. Walk away from everything good and solid in your life. Walk away from me and see if I care! Just don't come running to me when everything falls apart." He shouted at her.

Her face crumpled, and she stepped back towards the wall. She felt like she'd been physically kicked. She slid down the wall and rested her head on her knees, this wasn't what she wanted. She didn't want to fight with him, she didn't want him to yell at her, and she didn't want to feel so torn and messed up inside.

Instantly Jack was filled with regret as he watched Kate fall to the floor. He moved to sit next to her, and tried to calm her down, get her to talk to him, but she'd either ignore him or yell at her.

For five minutes they kept it up, one yelling, one trying to calm the other down. They knew that neither was helping the other, that this wasn't good. For two more minutes they sat in silence, side by side, but not touching. It was like being in a war zone; it felt like they were in one. Although the fight didn't have to end this way, and hadn't been about much worth fighting about…something happened, and they knew that they wouldn't go back to being the same as they were before. There was something between them that hadn't been between them before and they both hated that.

Jack turned his head, and noticed Kate's bag on the bed, just waiting for her to pick it up and run. He looked back to her and felt his heart break in two. She still had tears running down her cheeks, although the sobs no longer shook her body and her breathing calmed, she was still in a right state. He wasn't ready. He couldn't. He couldn't let her leave, not like this.

"I….I, uh…I'm…" Jack started but couldn't find the words to tell her how much he loved her, and how sorry he was, and he needed her.

Kate shook her head, and unsteadily got to her feet. She stepped over him and picked up her bag on the bed.

"Kate…please…" Jack said his voice breaking.

"I'm sorry Jack." She crouched down in front of him and kissed his cheek. "I wish things were different…" She looked away; she couldn't look into his eyes. One look and he'd break her resolve…the walls would crumble, she would crumble. And she couldn't afford that.

"Kate…" He caressed her cheek, one last time, trying to embed the feel of her skin deep within his brain. He would never forget this, never forget her. "Please, Kate…don't. Don't leave…I…I…please…I can't…"

She leant forward and tenderly kissed him, feeling his lips on her for one last time, getting one last taste of him. She would remember it always.

"I'm sorry Jack…I just can't…stay here…" She shook her head and kissed his cheek again.

"But we can make it work. I know we can." He said softly and looked at the floor sadly.

"No Jack, we really can't."

"But I love you damnit…I love you." Jack said finally letting a tear fall. He reached for her hand and held it firmly in his.

"I know you do. I'm _so _sorry. I don't want to do this…but I have to. I need to do this Jack, I don't want to, but I have to. We're not on the island anymore," she sighed, "we can't pretend that things are always going to be okay. You have to get used to the idea…we can't be together forever…"

"We can." He said desperately looking into her green eyes.

"I don't think so Jack. You have…you have to…you have to learn to let me go. You need to get over me, you don't deserve me, you deserve so much better. You'll find someone who loves you so much one day, you'll find someone that can make you happy."

"But, you make me happy." He said shaking his head. "Please Katie…don't do this."

"You're making this so hard for me Jack…you can't keep doing this; you can't call me Katie and think everything's going to okay…You know how I feel when you call me that. But Jack, I'm not going to let you do this, not this time." She kissed his forehead as she ran her free hand through his short, dark hair, and he clutched to her hand, like he was afraid to let her go. Hell, he was afraid to let her go. "Perhaps one day we'll meet again." She smiled at him sadly. "I love you Jack Shepard, don't you _ever_ forget that." She went to stand, but Jack was gripping her hand fiercely. "Jack…you need to let me go, now."

He slowly let her hand go, and watched the only woman he'd ever really loved walk out of his life. He wanted to run after her, but he wasn't sure if he could, if he should…or if it would help at all. He sighed and tried not to think of all the good times they'd had, on and off the island.

Kate left the room and then sprinted out of the apartment. She briefly collapsed against the door before running again. She felt a wave of emotions sweep over her; pain, loss, and guilt. She felt so bad for doing that to Jack…how could she have done that? She screamed and shouted at him, then gave him a few pleasant words and a quick kiss before walking out. He deserved so much more than that. He _didn't _deserve her; he was too good for her. That's why she had to leave and why she refused to let him break her.

Kate turned around and looked longingly at the door, she stretched out an arm, she could go back, apologise, tell him how much she loved him, that she made a huge mistake and would never leave him. But, could she promise him that? Would she be able to make him happy? He seemed to think so, but she wasn't' so sure. Eventually he'd get bored and toss her to the side, or she'd do the same. They'd end up killing each other. It was better this way, wasn't it? Afterall, would she ever be able to give everything he wanted, needed and deserved? She doubted it. She lowered her hand, and took a few shaky steps before running down the stairs and out of the apartment block.

* * *

It took Jack five minutes before he could stand on his own two legs and trust his body not to collapse under the weight of all of his emotions. He shakily made it to the bedroom door and then to the door of the apartment. He breathed in deeply before crossing through the open door, and looking down the hall. She wasn't there. Jack prayed that he'd be able to run to her, find her, and love her. He needed her, and he was sure she needed him just as much. It was clear over the past few months, she'd come to need him and lean on him, just as much as she had on the island, if not more so.

He had to admit he much preferred their goodbye scene at the airport. Anything was better than this. He much preferred the idea of the law dragging her out of his life, then her doing so voluntarily.

Jack managed to run down the stairs, taking them three at a time, and out the apartment block. He looked around madly, trying to catch a glimpse of her, but it was too late. She was gone. Kate was gone. _His Kate_ was gone.

* * *

A/N: That was really hard for me to write. I don't want to break them up…so heh, expect a reunion. I really couldn't write the fight, and I know it's weak, and perhaps unrealistic, but hmmph, it's MY fic.

Wow, I thought this really sucked when I first wrote it…but, I don't know. I kind of like it now, well the stuff after the fight anyway. Let me know what you think? Please? I love you all!


	11. This Romeo is Bleeding

Disclaimer: I disclaim…

* * *

_This Romeo is bleeding  
But you can't see his blood  
It's nothing but some feelings  
That this old dog kicked up _

It's been raining since you left me  
Now I'm drowning in the flood  
You see I've always been a fighter  
But without you I give up

Now I can't sing a love song  
Like the way it's meant to be

* * *

The words of Bon Jovi flew out of the speakers and straight to Jack's ears. It had been three weeks since Kate had stormed out of their…_his_ apartment. She could be anywhere, she could be a million miles away by now, and knowing Kate, she probably was. Kate was a runner, that much Jack knew…it hurt him to know that this time, Kate was running from him, she'd probably be half way across the country…world even; and he'd driven her there.

Jack never meant to hurt her, he never meant to doubt her…they just got caught up in the moment, and things happened – they exploded at each other. He couldn't apologise fast enough, neither could she. He remembered watching her slide down the wall, staring back at him, tears in her eyes, she'd sat on the floor, knees drawn up under her chin and she sat there screaming and crying at him for a full five minutes whilst he tried to apologise or calm her down. Eventually she'd stood up, walked over him and slammed the door in his face.

Jack felt like he was dying on the inside, she'd left his home, and taken a piece of him with her. Since that day, three weeks ago he hadn't been able to forget her. Her presence lingered there, in every corner, every inch of his apartment. He couldn't even go into his room alone, he'd lie on the bed, sheets tainted by her…he'd lie on the bed, turn his head to her side…and sometimes he'd let out a small sob, or a scream. He remembered the way her body curved around his as they slept, how her hair spread over the pillow, and how her breathing sounded as she slept peacefully beside him. He thought back to that night they finally consummated their relationship after near enough two years. The way she said his name, the way she touched him, the way she looked, the way her arms and legged wrapped around him…the way she felt – inside and out; it was all engraved in his memory, on his heart.

* * *

_Well, I guess I'm not that good anymore  
But baby, that's just me _

And I will love you, baby - always  
And I'll be there forever and a day - always  
I'll be there till the stars don't shine  
Till the heavens burst and  
The words don't rhyme  
And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind  
And I'll love you - always

* * *

The way that the song on the radio reminded him of her, he wanted to shout and hit the radio. He didn't want to remember her anymore, he just wanted to forget.

Forgetting was easier said than done. And when he says he wants to forget her, he knows it's not true, and he never wants to forget. Because it's Kate, his Kate. He simply loved her too much to let go.

Jack knew regardless; after everything that had happened over the past few weeks, he'd give anything to see her one more time. There was nothing more he wanted than to be able to hold her in his arms.

Jack couldn't stop himself from wondering whether it was just the fight, whether Kate had been hiding something inside, or whether he'd done something really bad to hurt her. If he had, just the idea of causing her so much pain tore him apart. The Kate that Jack knew…or at least, the Kate that Jack thought he knew was a fighter. Surely, she wouldn't just give up after one fight, would she? No, there had to be something else. But what?

Jack remembered; back when they were on the island:

They'd stayed awake, long after the other islanders had gone to sleep. They'd been lying on the beach, Kate's head resting on Jack's chest, as one arm was wrapped around her waist tightly and the other was running through her hair. They watched the stars until they fell asleep, not long before the sun rose.

Jack remembered Kate saying "I don't ever want to leave…here, or you. Never leave, Jack…promise you'll never leave me."

And Jack had promised, with his whole heart, and body and soul. He promised that he'd always be there; he'd always love her. Until the end of the world, he'd said.

But he couldn't love her, and he couldn't be there until the end of the world, not if she didn't let him, not if she walked out.

* * *

_Now your pictures that you left behind  
Are just memories of a different life  
Some that made us laugh, some that made us cry  
One that made you have to say goodbye  
What I'd give to run my fingers through your hair  
To touch your lips, to hold you near  
When you say your prayers try to understand  
I've made mistakes, I'm just a man _

When he holds you close, when he pulls you near  
When he says the words you've been needing to hear  
I'll wish I was him 'cause those words are mine  
To say to you till the end of time

Yeah, I will love you baby – always

* * *

Jack looked up from the floor and his gaze fell on a photo of him and Kate. Happy, they looked happy. She'd jumped on his back just as the photo was taken, and they were smiling and laughing. He remembered afterwards, she'd hung on tight, and he'd ran half way along the beach with her until they both collapsed, laughing.

What he wouldn't do to hear her laugh again…or her voice, even her footsteps would be ok. He just wanted to know that she was happy, and safe. He wanted her here, with him. He closed his eyes and hoped that when he opened them she'd be there, just having stepped out of the shower, looking as beautiful as ever.

But she wasn't there; she wasn't in the bedroom, or the kitchen, or the shower. She wasn't sitting next to him, or in his arms. She wasn't there. She was somewhere else. Without him.

Probably in some crappy motel room, or with some other guy. Someone else was probably comforting her, telling her everything would be okay. Telling her everything Jack had ever told her, and meant.

Jack looked towards the bottle of 'Jack Daniels' that had been on the side for three weeks. He'd gotten it out the night she left, but he hadn't yet gotten around to drinking it. He refused to become his father. And he knew, that if he started, he most likely wouldn't stop, because the alcohol would numb the pain, and if he drank enough it would make him forget. No, he couldn't do that to her.

* * *

_And I'll be there forever and a day - always _

If you told me to cry for you  
I could  
If you told me to die for you  
I would  
Take a look at my face  
There's no price I won't pay  
To say these words to you

Well, there ain't no luck  
In these loaded dice  
But baby if you give me just one more try  
We can pack up our old dreams  
And our old lives  
We'll find a place where the sun still shines

* * *

Jack sighed as he stood and walked into the kitchen. It was time…time to try and let go. Three weeks of pain was enough, it didn't need to go on this way. And if tomorrow he decided he needed to cling on and remember for just one more day, then so be it. But now, tonight…he refused to think about Kate. Step one, would be to remove that bottle of 'Jack' one way or another.

The door bell rang, startling Jack out of his thoughts. He wasn't really in the mood to go answering any door bells, but what the hell.

He walked back into the living room to turn off the radio, but as a last minute decision just turned it down. He then crossed the room, and padded along the hall towards the door. He caught a glimpse of his appearance in the small mirror and groaned; forget not being in the mood to see anyone, or answer the door…he looked like shit. He didn't look like he should be opening any doors.

He raised his right arm, and rubbed his neck, easing out the muscle tension whilst doing so, as his left arm went to open the door. He eased back the door, and his arms dropped to his sides as he stared at the sight before him.

There she was, in all her glory, all her beauty. She was drenched from the rain, her hair damp and limp as it clung to her face. Her clothes clinging to her figure, her white over-shirt now see through, showing off the orange tank top underneath that hugged her figure and allowed Jack to see every curve.

Jack didn't want to look into her eyes, for he was sure she'd been crying. When he finally did look into her eyes he saw so many emotions; fear, nervousness, regret, even passion and love.

Her gaze shifted towards the floor, and then back up to Jack. The expression on her face almost made him fall to the floor. She looked so young, vulnerable and helpless. He didn't know why she was here, but all he knew was that he wanted to draw her into his arms, whisper words of comfort and tell her everything would be alright.

"K…Kate?" He finally stuttered, his voice sounding weak.

"Hey Jack." She said softly, and forced a small, weak smile; and Jack felt himself falling for this poor, helpless looking girl all over again.

* * *

_And I will love you, baby - always  
And I'll be there forever and a day - always  
I'll be there till the stars don't shine  
Till the heavens burst and  
The words don't rhyme  
And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind  
And I'll love you - always

* * *

A/N: I'm not sure on this chapter, but I thought I should include Jack's viewpoint. Next chapter, will focus more on Kate. And this is shorter than I would of liked, but hopefully the next will be a bit longer._


	12. Kate's revelations

Disclaimer: Yup, Lost is ALL mine. But hey, I'm a compulsive liar…

A/N: I've got NO clue how to write this chapter, which is why updates have taken so god damn long. And I think I'm going to re-write the next chapter. Heh… Anyways…here goes nothing.

* * *

People have revelations and epiphanies all the time. Anyone, any time, any place. Kate had hers two weeks after leaving Jack. Kate had two the same day, one in the morning, and like a wave crashing down over her, suffocating her, she had another the same afternoon.

Kate's two revelations had led her to be standing right outside Jack's apartment building in the pouring rain, having just parked her car. If it hadn't been for her revelations she wouldn't have been standing in the rain, freezing her ass off. She wouldn't of had silent tears streaming down her face, she perhaps wouldn't have been craving Jack's comfort so damn much. Except, there was a 99 chance, that actually she would have been craving him. Because Kate had been missing Jack for three weeks now. She knew she'd made a mistake, she just hoped he didn't hate her for it. She couldn't handle that. She knew how much she hurt him, she remembered the look on his face, and every time she saw it in her mind she broke just a little bit more. Cried just a little bit harder. Missed him that bit more, needed to apologize so much more, and needed him ten times as much.

Kate's first revelation had come one morning two weeks after storming out of Jack's place. After two weeks of driving as far and as fast as she thought possible. After two weeks of pain, of heartache, of telling herself that she didn't need him, didn't miss him, didn't love him, didn't want him.

It was bright morning, and the Sun hit the water in the same way it had done back on the island, so many months ago now. If Kate closed her eyes she could briefly fool herself into believing that she really was back there, on the island. She could almost believe that the crashing of the waves against the shore was the same sound as she had grown so accustomed to after months spent on the island, she could almost believe that if she turned around, she'd see a lush green jungle riddled with deadly traps, wild bores, and misplaced polar bears. She could almost fool herself into believing that if she was standing, sinking then Jack would appear and wrap his arms around her from behind and tell her she was beautiful and that he loved her, and kiss her teasingly on the neck. She could almost let herself believe that _everything_ was okay, and that it would stay that way.

And then she opened her eyes and looked around. Not tents or hideouts on the beach, there were a few crumpled sandcastles a few feet away from her, but no shelter, and no campfires. There was no tropical jungle behind her; there were no polar bears in California, at least, not in the wild. Behind her, there was only a small sand dune and a near empty car park. Kate sighed and wiggled her toes in the dry sand, she watched as the golden particles sieved through the gaps between her toes, and thought about just how much had changed in the past year, well past few months really.

It didn't seem like long ago that they'd been stranded on an almost deserted island, practically devoid of human life. It seemed like she and Jack had been together forever there, it was hard to remember a time on the island without Kate and Jack, they'd always had a special bond, and a good deal of chemistry – even before they were officially a couple, they could always be found together, just sitting and talking. Yeah, they were the hot couple of the island, they were a constant. They were happy; they'd been so in love back then.

Then the rescue came, Kate's happiness had been shattered, and she dreaded the thought of being inside, being apart from Jack. Throughout absolutely everything, from the island to landing back in the USA he'd been the perfect boyfriend, maybe more. He'd been kind, loving, and gentle. He'd comforted her and told her that everything would be okay and that someday they would meet again.

She remembered the final day of her trial, and him watching her with love in his eyes as she slid down to the floor, years of running and self punishment suddenly lifting from her soul. She remembered how he'd embraced her and comforted her, given her a place to stay. She remembered the ironic awkwardness of the situation the first few days after being freed. If they weren't apart now, she'd probably laugh at the odd situation. They both still knew they belonged together, and they wanted it, they just couldn't find the verification or express their concerns.

Kate remembered the slow building up of trust they developed as they dived into love as a normal, happy couple. She smiled thinking of how easily they settled into a daily routine, and worked with and around each other. She remembered how they re-developed the trust they'd had on the island and how they finally consummated their relationship. After finally doing so, for the short while after they couldn't keep their hands off of each other, not believing they'd gone so long without each other. They'd been so happy, so in love, so right for each other. They fit perfectly.

Kate had fucked that up royally.

She wasn't sure if anybody else would be as loving and as caring as Jack Shepard was towards her and her eyes clouded over as she realised she never, ever wanted to find that out. No, she'd rather miss him everyday for the rest of her life, than try and move on with someone else who wasn't half as…perfect…as he was.

It struck her, much like an imaginary bolt of lightning, that she simply didn't want to be without her, and wasn't sure if she could ever actually learn to not be with him. It had been so long, she'd depended on him for so long, even when she was waiting for her trial the hope of one day being with him was enough to keep her strong, keep her alive.

She burned for him; she really did, with a raw passion she had never felt before. And not being with him, knowing that she hurt him, and consequently herself, scorched her. It wasn't so much her pain, she could maybe handle that, she'd been constantly pushing and punishing herself almost for as long as she could remember. It was a bad habit, but one that lead her to him. And she be damned if it didn't at least help lead her back to him.

It was in that moment that she knew she had to fight; she hadn't fought herself hard enough at the time. She had to do everything she could to try and get him back, or at least talk to him again. If she couldn't have him back, then she at least needed some closure.

Kate drew in a rather shaky breath and stretched her slightly achy limbs. She closed her eyes briefly and opened them again to find that nothing had changed; she really was quite without Jack, feeling quite wretched and alone.

After two weeks of running from him, Kate Austen decided that enough was enough. She'd done enough running to last her a life time, she needed to face her problems. Face Jack. She needed to admit that he changed her, in so many ways…he made her want to be a better person, he made her want to change her habits, he made her want to stop running, he made her want to settle down. Something she'd never thought of herself ever doing.

Kate took in a sharp intake of breath and stood up, almost too quickly. She turned and walked towards her car, determined that tomorrow, she really would turn her car around, drive back down the Pacific Coast Highway, and make her way back to him. Yes, she, Kate Austen, would run right into his arms, and would just have to pray to God that he accepted her. Kate leant against the car door as a wave of nausea briefly passed over her, before allowing herself to slide into the car, and drive back to her shabby motel room.

Kate's second revelation hit her later that afternoon, after having returned to her dully lit motel room. The first revelation had scared her slightly, but in a way had calmed her and she'd finally felt at peace with herself. But the second….oh god, the second revelation pretty much scared her shitless. Kate sat bolt upright as she realised that finding her way back to Jack was not the only thing she was late for. The possibility became even more real as she'd leant over the toilet in the dark bathroom, clutching the sides of the bowl and silent tears slid down her cheeks.

She tried to deny it, it couldn't happen, it wasn't part of the plan. How could…this happen? Kate sobbed as the fear shook her body, and she crumpled to the floor. Sitting with her knees drawn to her chest in a protective stance, in the furthest corner of her room she stared of into the distance hoping to whoever was listening that this wasn't happening.

The second revelation scared Kate so much that as soon as she felt she could stand and walk again she immediately pulled on her jacket and took her bags out to the car. She wasted no time in checking out, and with the windows open drove as fast as she could back towards LA. It struck her that right now, she needed Jack more than anything.

So now, Kate was standing outside his apartment block in the freezing rain, too scared and nervous to go any further. She was nervous to see him again, and scared of his reactions to both her revelations.

Feeling a surge of energy overcome her she pushed open the door to the apartment block and raced up the stairs. She stood outside his apartment door…what was their door…for a few moments – just long enough to steady her breathing before ringing the doorbell.

Kate could hear Jack shuffling towards the door and let out a small shy smile at the thought of being here again. The smile disappeared instantly and was replaced by silent tears as the door creaked open.

She felt her stomach flip and her whole body tense up as she took in his weary appearance. She shook her head slightly as she realised that she had been the one to do this to him.

She noticed him avoiding her gaze, and when he finally looked up she couldn't help but gasp slightly. His eyes, they looked so…dull and empty. He looked hurt and she hated that. She had to look away; she couldn't stand the look in his eyes. She looked back up at him again, with a pleading, apologetic look on her face as she bit her lip to try and stop the tears.

"K…Kate?" She felt her heart splinter at his weak, desperate tone.

She forced a weak smile, and wiped the tears from her cheeks. "Hey Jack."

* * *

A/N: Finally another chapter written. I wasn't sure at first, but I think I'm actually quite pleased with this chapter. Oh, I'm thinking of throwing in a bit of a curveball soon…don't worry everything should be fine Jate wise, it just might be a might unexpected…the idea just sorta came to me. Right, I'm off to re-write the next chapter. I really don't like it at the moment, so yeah… 


	13. Can't Run From You

Disclaimer: Duh!

A/N: Guess who's back, back again, Katie's back, tell a friend! Here is the long awaited chapter, I hope you think it's okay, I've changed the ending from what it was previously…

* * *

"K…Kate?" He finally stuttered, his voice sounding weak.

"Hey Jack." She said softly, and forced a small, weak smile.

"W…what are you doing here?" He asked still staring at the figure before him.

"I have to…we have to talk." Kate said softly looked at the floor. Jack nodded slowly.

"Look at you…you're soaked." Jack said reaching out and touching her upper arm lightly, "Come inside."

"Yeah." Kate shivered, "That's what half an hour of standing around outside your apartment in the rain does…" She shivered again and forced another smile.

"Half an hour?" Jack raised an eyebrow. She stepped past him and into the warmth of his apartment, she brushed past him and Jack gasped at her coldness. "God, you're freezing." He said pulling her into soft hug. "We need to get you out of these wet clothes."

Kate shivered again as Jack's hand lightly grazed over her goose bumps. She shook her head. "No, we need to talk. Jack, it's important."

"We won't be able to talk if you collapse because of hypothermia." Jack rubbed the back of his neck anxiously. "Just…at least have a warm shower and put some dry clothes on. I'll get you some coffee and then we'll talk."

Kate nodded and allowed Jack to push her through the bedroom and into the en-suite shower room. He reached into the shower and turned it on; he waited until the water was warm before turning back to Kate.

"Don't worry." He said softly seeing the nervous look in her eyes. "I'll put you some warm clothes out on the bed." With that he turned to leave the room but Kate stopped him as he was about to leave.

"Jack?" She said softly as she pulled of her over shirt. "Th…thank you."

"Anytime," he gave her a small smile, "last thing I need is to be taking you to hospital – I'm there enough."

"I'm sorry Jack. I really am." Kate said her fingers at the bottom of her orange tank top. She really needed him to forgive her; she didn't think she could leave again, not now, not yet anyway. He had to understand…

"It's ok, I know." He nodded and smiled sadly about to pull the door to a close. "We'll talk later; you just get warmer, yeah?"

* * *

Kate walked back into the bedroom and shuddered remembering everything that had happened again. It was good to see him again…but was she really ready, would he accept her, and would he be okay with everything. What if he had already moved on?

Kate smiled as she noted the clothes Jack had laid out on the bed. The pants and top were hers, and beside it was one of Jack's jumpers. She was hit with memories of his kindness, and hoped he wasn't too mad. She then spotted to the other side of the jeans and top the same bra and panties she had worn the first time they'd made love. Kate couldn't help but let out a small laugh at the memory of Jack telling her that he liked them.

A few minutes later Kate appeared in the kitchen. She pulled on the sleeves of Jack's sweatshirt, which was far too big for her, but comforting all the same; the smell of him still lingered in the jumper and it calmed her nerves. She graciously accepted the coffee and held it with both hands, instantly warming them. She followed him into the living room and sat on the opposite side of the couch to him.

"So…is there a reason as to why you were stood outside in the rain for half an hour?" Jack asked breaking the silence.

"I was nervous…scared." Kate lowered her eyes.

"Of me?" Jack asked slightly taken aback, frankly the thought of Kate being scared of him worried him.

"No…not really." She shrugged and looked back up. "Of what you'd say."

"I'm listening, Kate." He touched her arm. "I'm not going anywhere; you can tell me anything." Kate breathed in softly before telling her story.

"I didn't want to hurt you; I never wanted to leave you. Believe me when I say this; it had nothing to do with you…and everything to do with me. I was just…" she shrugged, "Scared and mixed up. Everything with us was going so well. I don't think I've ever been happier." Kate smiled. "Work was driving me insane, and all of a sudden I had all these new feelings. I didn't know what they were…or where they came from."

"Kate…" Jack tried interrupting her, but she carried on, determined to finish.

"I don't know how to explain it Jack. If I did…then maybe I could have talked to you…and maybe we wouldn't be sitting here…not like this anyway." Kate looked at him sadly. "I had all these feelings building up inside of me, and I'd been on edge all week. I tried to calm myself down – but nothing worked. I panicked; I didn't know what was happening. I didn't feel like me. I'm really sorry Jack." Kate looked back down at the floor. "Walking out was a mistake…I didn't want to give up on us. You've been the one dependable thing in my life for so long…years even. If I could take it all back I would…"

"Oh Kate…" Jack said softly and edged slightly nearer to her.

"I know I have no excuse and…" tears started flowing down her cheeks. "And you probably hate me…but Jack…I had to come back…I…I love you." She said barely above a whisper.

"Kate."

"I'm sorry Jack – I'm so sorry." Kate interrupted him.

"I know you are." Jack sighed. "Kate, Kate…god, Katie, look at me." Jack said firmly and eventually he hooked his finger under her chin and forced her to look up. "I understand…"

"Do you, Jack?" She asked her voice wavering slightly.

"I'm trying to Katie." He whispered softly. "As much as I want to…I don't…I don't think I can just pull you into my arms and tell you that everything's going to be alright and that it'll be just like it used to; because right now…I really have no clue where this is headed. Where we are headed."

Jack sighed and Kate looked at him, her green eyes masked with tears.

"I'm sorry Jack…I…"

"I forgive you…I think I forgave you the second I opened the door to see you looking all wet and vulnerable. I knew you were sorry then." He pushed a lock of hair back out of her voice and kissed her forehead. "I love you Katie; that's not going to change anytime soon." He leant forwards and kissed her softly. "Will you stick around? At least for a while…"

She nodded slowly; "If you don't mind. You've been so nice…opening your home to me. I just…I know I hurt you by storming out…I hurt myself too. Not very clever there." She half-smiled. "You didn't have to do it then…and you definitely don't have to now, I know I hurt you, and I hate that. If you don't want me back here…I'll understand…"

"Haven't you been listening? I love you, and I want you to stay. I felt numb and empty without you…you complete me. I want to be able to feel again. It may not be perfect, and there may be something between us now, but we can work through it, together…if you're willing to." Kate nodded. "I just want to know…why did it take you three weeks to come home?"

"I was running. I spent two weeks running from you. I thought…if I ran fast enough, far enough and hard enough then I could forget you and everything you meant to me. At the very least I thought I could avoid my feelings for you." She shook her head before continuing. "I was sitting on the beach near my motel and I realised…I couldn't run from you. Jack…you're the one thing I can't run from – I know that now. I was miserable and lonely – the one thing I wanted was to be here – with you. I spent two weeks running from you, and then I stopped, turned around and spent the next week running to you. Finding my way back to you and everything I knew."

Kate paused and smiled slightly at him. "Do you know what that means? I've _never_ wanted to run to anything or anyone. I wasn't even that determined to run to Tom. I loved you so much I knew I couldn't just leave like that…not without a valid reason. Either being on the island…or being with you changed me. I don't want that lifestyle anymore. I'm ready to stop running…forever. No more running." Kate sighed. "I want to settle down; I want to be with you. I've never felt this way before. That's why I get scared."

Jack immediately pulled her into his arms and kissed her forehead. "You have no idea how happy that makes me Kate."

Kate smiled at him and rested her head against his chest. "Are…are we okay, now? Are we going to be okay?" She asked quietly.

"We're getting there." He smiled. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry too. I should have fought harder and come after you. By the time I got outside, you'd already gone…I should have been quicker."

"No. I'm glad you didn't. I needed to do this, realise everything on my own. It gave me a chance to realise how I feel. Jack," She bit her lip. "I never want to lose you…I never want to leave you again."

"Good…I'm not letting you go without a fight." He said rubbing his hand up and down her back.

After a few minutes of them sitting together, Jack holding Kate in a comfortable silence, Kate felt that she had to tell him the other reason why she was forced to come back.

"Jack…promise me you'll always stand by me." Kate said softly.

"Of course I will." Jack whispered to her.

"Promise me, Jack. Promise me that." Her voice wavering slightly.

"I promise I will always be here for you." He said hugging her tighter and kissing her hair.

"Thank you. I…I don't know how to tell you this but…Jack; I need you." Kate paused and breathed in deeply. "I don't know how to do this, I don't know how to tell you…but I know that I really need you right now…"

"Tell me what Kate?" Jack pushed, asking for her to confide in him again.

"I'm scared. I'm absolutely terrified and I can't do this…I can't. I just, it can't happen Jack. It can't. I can't be…I can't…" Kate trailed off looking straight ahead at a mark on the wall opposite.

"Can't do what Kate? What's wrong?" Jack asked softly, with a hand resting lightly on her shoulder.

Kate shook her head and tears filled her eyes as she looked away from him and out of the window.

"I'm…I think…I think I might be…maybe…you know…pregnant…" She whispered her voice wavering.

Jack watched her and smiled softly at her. "You think you're…"

Kate nodded as a tear slid down her cheek and looked up at him, with a small smile on his face. It hurt that she could tell he was happy, but she wasn't. She didn't want this, it couldn't happen. She just…why now?

"It fits…it all adds up, and it makes sense. I really think I am…" She shook her head. "It scares me."

"Oh Katie, it's going to be okay…" He said as he pulled her towards him and he kissed the top of her head. She shook her head, he kissed her again and then whispered to her. "It will be okay Kate. We can do this, we can get through this."

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A/N: So…what do you guys think? Good or bad? Did it suck? Please leave a review! 


	14. Don't Make Me Go Through This Again

Disclaimer: Last time I checked, it still wasn't mine. Shame...perhaps I'll inherit it oneday? Oooooo...and I could be persuaded to share...yeah...Sam, wanna share the Lost inheritance? Heh...a girl can dream.

A/N: WOW. I. Have. 100. Reviews:D Lets party people, you can all have a cookie, or cake, or ice cream (Ben and Jerry's of course), or at the very least a Jalloon...I mean...a Jate balloon. So yes, thank you, to each and everyone of you for helping me get this far, and keep reviewing. And all you people who take sneak peeks, and don't review, plleeeeeeeeeeeassssssse review! I know people do it, and I get a lot of hits, and I like hearing what you people think. Seriously, I got over 200 hits last chapters, and 11 reviews! That don't add up, unless you guys think I'm fabulous and keep re-reading...hehe. So I'm gonna stop rambling and let Jack and Kate have the spotlight. Just a warning, it's still kind of angsty. But...next chapters totall fluff fest!

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"_Oh Katie, it's going to be okay…" He said as he pulled her towards him and he kissed the top of her head. She shook her head, he kissed her again and then whispered to her. "It will be okay Kate. We can do this, we can get through this."_

"Jack…" Kate sighed and looked at him through bleary eyes.

"Kate…" Jack said softly.

"No Jack…no…things aren't alright, and they might not be. We can't do this."

"We can." Jack urged.

"Maybe you can…I just…I don't think I can do this Jack. I'm sorry." Kate said sadly getting up and walking over to the window. She kept her back to him, afraid to see the hurt on his face.

"Of course you can do it Kate. You'll be a great mother, and you'll have me to help you." Jack said still sitting on the sofa not understanding.

Kate shook her head and laughed bitterly. "Jack, this is me we're talking about. How could I have ever be a great mother?" She looked to the floor and sighed in frustration. "Parents are meant to be role models; that's the last thing I'll be to anyone. What examples have I set? I can't…Jack…it's not that simple, it's not that easy." She wished he'd understand, but knew that he wouldn't fully understand her fear without knowing the truth, the whole truth; and not half baked truths, covering her real fears.

"Kate." Jack sighed. "You are a great person, you are an amazing woman – come on, you know that." Kate turned to look at him briefly, shook her head and then turned her attention back to the bright lights of the city.

"You are Kate, you really are. You may not have the perfect past, but that's exactly what it is. The past, don't let what you've done affect your future…our future."

Kate turned to look at him with an intense pain in her eyes. "I wish I could do that Jack, I really wish I could…" If only he knew, if only she could tell him. "There are some things…in the past…I just…I can't forget…" Tears leaked out of her eyes and she turned away from him, not wanting him to see her, not wanting to see him, because he might break her. And she might tell him, she didn't know how to, didn't know how he'd react…she was quite possibly as scared of him finding out her big dark secret, as she was of telling him she thought she was pregnant.

"Kate?" Jack broke the silence. "I…I don't think I understand. Do you…do you not want this? Do you not want our baby? Is…is…is it because…it's mine?"

"Oh Jack…" Kate breathed as she turned back to face him having wiped the tears from her eyes. "God Jack, don't you dare even think that. Me…being like this…" She gestured to herself. "Has nothing to do with the baby being yours. If I have a child…" Kate winced slightly, and this did not go unnoticed by Jack. "If I have a child, you are the only man I'd want to be its father…" Kate sighed and shook her head again. "It's not as simple as wanting it or not…I just…I simply…I can't do this…"

"I still don't really understand." Jack rubbed the back of his neck, he might love this woman, but by god did he hope that she started making sense soon. "You…you're not…going to…get rid of it, are you?"

Kate shrugged as she turned back to him.

"To be honest…I haven't really thought about what to do next yet. As soon as I realised the possibility, I knew I had to talk to you first…that's not the only reason I came back. Just…so you know." Jack nodded and urged her to continue.

"There's still a possibility that I might not be…you know…pregnant, it's just… I don't know, I can't explain it. It makes sense…everything adds up…and it's like…I can feel it? I, over the past week, I've been really hoping I'm not, but nothing's changed…and it's almost like…I know…" Kate sighed softly.

"Tomorrow, first thing tomorrow, we're gonna get you a test." Jack decided, she nodded and then continued.

"If…if I am. I don't, I don't want to get rid of it. I don't know if I could go through that, knowing…knowing that I killed my baby, your baby…I don't think I'd be able to live with myself if I did that." She smiled weakly at him and she smiled back.

"Good." He said softly. "Kate?" He asked after a moment.

"Hmm?" She asked, her head cocked slightly to one side.

"Would you please sit down? You're…kind of making me nervous." Jack asked. Kate nodded and moved to sit beside him. He instantly put one arm around her shoulders, and placed the other on her stomach. "You know, whatever happens, I will always be here for you." He felt her nod against his shoulder, he kissed the top of her head and for a few short minutes they sat in silence, thinking over the possibilities of the future.

Jack heard Kate crying softly into his shoulder, and smoothed her hair with his hand.

"Kate…Kate honey, what's wrong?" He asked softly.

"I feel horrible Jack. A part of me, deep down, really does want this baby, but the rest of me…it just, I can't be pregnant Jack. I can't do this, I can't go through this…" She sobbed, and then muttered something under her breath that Jack couldn't hear.

"Kate, you'll be fine. Everything will be fine, you'll see. You can do this, we can do this. Please…just stop worrying about it so much, it's not good for you." Kate couldn't help but smile slightly at his protective nature, but the smile soon disappeared and was replaced by a look of anguish.

"Don't say that…you don't know that Jack. You. Don't. Know. That." Kate said strongly, as her eyes filled with tears. She bit her lip praying that the tears wouldn't fall, praying that she wouldn't say what her heart was urging her to say. He couldn't know…not…not like this.

"Kate?" Jack asked softly and Kate's resolve broke.

"It's just…what…what if something happens? There could be complications, with the pregnancy; with the birth…I don't want that to happen." Kate said as a tear slipped from her eye.

"Kate…nothing will happen, you'll be fine, both of you." Jack said softly and kissed her hair.

Kate's head jerked up at that, and a fire burned in her eyes, anger flashed across her face. Jack didn't know what he'd done wrong, but he knew something was most definitely _not _alright.

"How…the hell…can you…say that?" She half asked, half demanded. "You can't…you can't say that!" Kate said loudly. "You can't say that, you can't." Her voice softened. "You can't say that Jack…you don't know what could happen. I could have complications…I…I could…Jack…I could lose the baby." She looked at him, tears flowing down her eyes, love, pain and sorrow evident in her darkened eyes.

"Kate…I'm sorry." Jack whispered.

Kate nodded. "I know…I'm sorry I shouted…but…I could lose it…I don't want to lose the baby. Not this baby. I don't want to lose this baby, and I don't want to lose you. Don't make me go through that Jack, please…don't make me go through that…I don't want to lose it…not…not again. Not again, Jack, not again. I won't survive that…"

Kate's eyes widened as soon as she'd realised what she said. She rose from the sofa and backed away from the sofa, from Jack, shaking her head all the way as she backed into the wall.

"What do you mean, not again?" Confusion was evident on Jack's face and then realisation dawned and he looked on in shock. He couldn't bare to think about what she'd gone through.

"Do…do you mean?" He asked as she slid down the wall to the ground. She nodded and ran a hand through her hair.

"So, you…you were pregnant before?" He asked again and she nodded.

"And you lost the baby?" He confirmed and once again she nodded. She wiped the tears from her eyes but to no avail, and as she looked up towards him, his heart broke. She looked so hurt, alone and afraid. Jack immediately ran to her side, he sat beside her and pulled her into his arms.

"Oh God Kate…Oh Katie, I'm so…so sorry. I shouldn't have said…I'm sorry. All those things I've said…I had no idea…" Jack whispered into her hair as he kissed her head.

"It's not your fault Jack. You didn't know…" She shook her head slightly. "I haven't told anyone before now. It's…it's nothing personal." She clung to him, and buried her head in his shoulder before speaking again. "It's just…I don't…I've never talked about it. No-one knows. I didn't know how to tell you, I didn't…I didn't want you to find out like this…I…I try to forget it. I hate thinking about it." She cried and buried her head back into his shoulder.

"Hey…hey, it's okay, it's okay. I understand." She nodded her head in acknowledgement. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No." Kate said firmly.

"Okay. Just, if you ever want to talk about it, anytime…you know you can trust me…"

"Thank you Jack." Kate said in a steady voice and kissed his cheek. "Thank you for everything."

Jack smiled in response, and kissed her forehead. He looked at his watch, to see that it was now, extremely late, or early depending on which way you looked at it.

"It's late…you, want to go to bed?" He asked tenderly.

"Please." Kate said and got up from his lap. Jack stood up beside her and held out his hand to her and then led her back to the bedroom.

-

"Jack?" Kate whispered in the dark room, as they in lay in bed, side by side. She turned to him and watched his features, unsure whether he was sleeping or not. "Jack, are you awake?" She asked, running a finger, gingerly down his cheek.

"Yeah." He replied sleepily.

"I…I want to…" Kate started, then paused before starting again. "It was Tom's."

Jack instantly sat up and turned on the bed side light so that he could see her in the dark.

"The baby…it was Tom's…" She said letting a tear fall.

"Come here…" He said opening his arms to her. She moved towards him, and revelled in the feel of his embrace. "Kate…" He kissed her forehead. "Whatever you want to, or don't want to tell me, I'm here. I'm listening, and I'm not going to push you." He said softly.

"I know." Kate sighed. "He…Tom…he was already dead by the time I found out. I hated myself so much. Not only had I killed him and taken him away from his wife and child…we'd slept together, just once, and there I was, pregnant with his child. I felt awful Jack." Jack kissed her hair letting her know he was still listening.

"Being pregnant…on the run, was hard, it wasn't easy. For the most part though, things went fine. I had a few friends I could stay with. I had regular appointments, to check up on me and my baby…I hated doing it alone, without Tom, without him knowing. I only went to the appointments because I'd already lost Tom, and wasn't prepared to let go of him completely, I needed to know the baby was okay too." Kate sniffed and Jack pulled her tighter.

"You don't have to tell me, not if you don't want to…" Jack whispered to her.

"I know…I want to. The pregnancy was fine…I…I went into labour, a month early, God, I was so scared. For a while, everything was going fine, I don't remember exactly what happened…but…there were…complications with the birth. I had a little boy…but…when he was born, he was quiet, he wasn't crying and that terrified me, I knew he should be screaming, and he wasn't." Jack kissed her again, and pulled her even closer rubbing his hand up and down her back.

"Naturally, I assumed the worst. They did everything to get they could to get him breathing, and I felt so relieved to finally hear his cries echo around the room. And…when I held him for the first time, I was so happy. I had a beautiful baby boy. He was perfect, he looked kind of like Tom, and that hurt…" She trailed off, not sure if she could continue.

"Kate?" Jack asked softly, and she nodded.

"Jack…he was only a few hours old…he just…he just stopped breathing. I was holding him, he was asleep, and then I suddenly noticed his chest wasn't moving like it had been just minutes before." Kate sobbed loudly and Jack held her as tightly as he could.

"My baby died in my own arms Jack. My son died as I was holding him in my arms, he wasn't even a day old. He just…he wasn't meant to live, with me…The doctors…they tried, they tried…for the second time that day to get him breathing. But he wouldn't…they couldn't. They told me his heart was too weak. It hurt so much Jack, going through everything on my own. I…I…I know he's with his father now, but God Jack, it hurts every time I think about it, I miss him so much, and I barely even knew him." Jack kissed her forehead lovingly.

"It's okay, it's okay Kate. You're allowed to miss him, you're allowed to hurt."

"I just…I really don't want to have to go through that again. That's why this, the whole being pregnant thing scares me so much. I've already lost one child, just hours old. I really don't think I can go though that again, and come out okay…"

Jack held her while she cried and whispered comforting words to her. "I know babe, I know."

Neither of them had expected the night to end this way when Kate had turned up at his apartment earlier that night, but both we're glad they were together in this way. Jack gave Kate the strength to finally let some one in, to open up so completely that she told someone her deep, dark secret.

And Jack, Jack was happy to have Kate back, to be trusted, to be wanted, to be needed by her. He hated to think of everything she'd gone through, and made a silent pledge, that he would never, ever leave her alone in this world, and that he'd always be there to protect her, and he would make sure that both she and their baby would be okay.

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A/N: Review...or else, I'll hunt you down and hit you with the jesus stick. Hahaha... 


	15. Here For You Babe

For at least half an hour Jack lay in bed watching Kate sleep. She seemed so peaceful now, with a content smile upon her face with calm, even breathing. It was a very different picture than of earlier during the night, in which she'd tossed, turned and twitched, crying out in a fervent state. Yes, Jack was glad to have her back, he was now able to watch over her, and look after her again, as he'd wanted all along. Jack was confident that however rocky they may be now, whatever doubts remained unspoken between the two, things would be ironed out, and they would be back on their feet soon. Separation from Kate was never easy for Jack, but they both felt that magnetic pull, forcing them together.

"Hey," Jack smiled as Kate stirred and lazily opened her eyes. "You sleep alright?"

"Much better." She gave him a soft, sleepy smile. "You look wide awake…did you even go back to sleep?" Kate asked referring to when he'd brought her round from her nightmare, and he'd held her close and comforted her.

"Yeah, I've been watching you…" Jack admitted.

"Jack…" Kate said softly, yet blushing.

"You looked too peaceful…and you're kind of on my arm." Jack flashed a cheeky smile.

"I'm sorry."

"No problem at all, it's not like I had anything better to do." He ducked his head to meet her lips with hers. "I missed this…and you."

"I missed you too." Kate murmured drawing lazy circles on Jack's chest. Jack bent down to kiss her again, but she forcefully pushed him back. "I think I'm gonna…" And with that Kate darted from the room, and into the bathroom.

Jack joined her just moments later, and knelt behind her, holding her hair back with one hand and rubbing her back with the other. After Kate was finished and Jack had handed her a glass of water Kate looked up at him with a frown.

"See, I can't even lie in bed and have a lazy morning with you, without an interruption…"

"Kate…it's hardly your fault." Jack smiled.

"Well, it kind of is…but it's yours too." Kate smirked.

"It'll all be worth it in the end." Jack said as they walked back into their bedroom.

"So, you're happy about this, really?" Kate asked looking to the floor.

"Of course I am Kate. I love you, and this baby…" Jack gently placed a hand over her abdomen.

"It's a part of both of us, and I'm going to love it too. And I've always pictured you in my future, with kids, lots of kids…" Jack smiled.

"Lots?" Kate laughed. "Hah! You'll be lucky." Kate said playfully hitting Jack's shoulder.

"Well, maybe just a couple…"

"We'll start with this one mister." Kate said and leant her head on Jack's shoulder. "So…you want to try that lazy morning thing again?" Kate smiled up at him.

Jack walked her over to the bed and pulled her down to sit between his legs as he sent leaning against the headboard. Jack tenderly kissed her neck as he wrapped his arms tighter around her and placed his hands on her stomach.

* * *

Whilst Kate was in the shower, Jack had run down to the local shops, he'd dashed into the pharmacy to pick up a pregnancy test or two, and was quite shocked to find out how many different kinds there where.

"Whoa!" He muttered to himself before grabbing three different kinds, just to be sure. Though, after the events of the morning, he wasn't sure they were entirely needed, she was exhibiting the right symptoms, wasn't she?

Jack then raced into the grocery shop next door to pick up something nice for breakfast, unless they wanted just toast for breakfast Jack was pretty sure he had nothing else. He also picked up a newspaper and a some flowers for Kate. Feeling satisfied with himself he made his way back to the apartment.

"Kate?" Jack called out as he entered the apartment. "Hey, how you feeling?" He asked softly as he passed her on the way to the kitchen to place the bags down.

"Better thanks." She smiled softly at him.

"Oh yeah…these are for you." Jack said handing Kate a bunch of orange lilies.

"They're beautiful." Kate said, and moved to find a vase to put them in, Jack marvelled at the way she fit right in, it was as if she'd never left. "Thank you." She paused and turned back to him. "Seriously though, what are they for?"

"I dunno." Jack shrugged. "I saw them and thought of you." She smiled. "I'm glad you're home." Jack told her, walking in front of her.

"I'm glad to be home." She said as he pulled her to him and kissed her softly.

"So, I went out…brought some tests, and some croissants. Do you…want to do the tests now, or have breakfast first? Personally, I'm starved…" Jack said nervously.

"Thank you. We can have breakfast first." Kate said moving to get some plates.

Jack grabbed a pair of mugs and moved over to the coffee machine. "Do you know how many kinds there are?"

"Of what?" Kate asked.

"Pregnancy tests. I swear, they have like, their own aisle…that's why I brought a few, you know…to be sure…"

Kate laughed. "I've heard. Jack?" She said unsteadily.

"Huh?" He turned to face her, as he waited for the coffee to finish.

"If I am…which you know, is kind of likely…you're happy about this right?" Kate said biting on the skin around her nails.

"Stop that." Jack mock scolded her, and pulled her towards him. "I'm happy." He kissed her forehead. "We had this discussion earlier this morning, remember. I love you, and this baby, it's a good thing." Jack smiled, as he held her in his arms. "Perhaps it could have come at a better time, but it's happening now, and I think that's great. Granted, a few things are gonna have to change…For starters, I'm switching your coffee to decaf."

"Thank you." She kissed his cheek. "I was so scared before…I…I didn't know if you'd want this, and I couldn't handle it by myself. I'm sorry I keep bringing it up…I'm just kind of…anxious, and scared. Things are going to change, and I don't know how…I just…I want to be a good mom, and I don't know if I can be."

Jack shook his head. "You will be." He told her. "I've seen how you were with Aaron, you were good with him. So I don't think you'll be a bad mom. You're also a good friend, and an amazing girlfriend, you'll be fine." He kissed her temple. "I understand that you're scared, but you've got me."

"I know, thank you." She gave him a peck on the lips before stepping out of his embrace so that they could eat.

* * *

Jack and Kate were standing in their bedroom, the small stack of tests lying on the bed.

"So, you gonna do this?" Jack asked her, breaking her thoughts.

"I'm going to do this." She nodded.

"I'll be right here." He said calmly.

"I know…" Kate sighed and picked up the tests Jack had previously brought.

Kate reappeared out of the bathroom to be greeted by Jack's expectant gaze. "Have to wait 10 minutes."

Jack nodded, and held his arms out to her; she willingly collapsed against him, and gripped him tightly.

"You alright?" He asked her softly.

"Yeah." Kate nodded. "I'm just…I don't know. It doesn't feel real." She shrugged.

"I know." For a few more minutes they stood together in an embrace, as if gaining strength from the other. Jack hooked his finger under her chin and lifted it up, so that she was looking at him. He leant to kiss her tenderly.

"You know I'm here for you babe."

"I know." Kate nodded. "I'm sorry…I keep feeling all weak…and I hate it…I hated being away from you, and now I'm back it's like…I need to make sure it's real. There are moments when it's like I never left, and others where it's like…I don't know what to do with myself. " She looked up at him through teary eyes.

"We'll get through it Kate. I promise, it's bound to be strange at first, but we'll get used to it again."

"You're too good for me." Kate smiled.

"Kate…"

Kate rolled her eyes. "It's ok. I'm not going through all that again. I'm just saying…you're so good to me, you're almost too forgiving and accepting."

"Sorry." Jack shrugged, not knowing quite what to say.

"Shut up." She hit his shoulder. "I'm glad though…Has it been ten minutes yet?" She asked.

Jack looked down at his watch, eleven minutes had passed. "Yup. You want me to check with you?"

"It's okay, I can do it." She smiled at him in silent appreciation.

When Kate emerged from the bathroom just mere minutes later, she had a stoic look upon her face, not giving anything away. Jack looked at Kate. Kate looked at Jack, expressionless. Jack looked back at Kate. Nothing. He could read absolutely nothing from her face. It was driving him insane.

"Well?" He probed.

Kate bit her lips as a small smile spread across her face, and she mumbled something inaudible.

"What was that Kate?" Jack asked her.

"It was positive…they were positive." She beamed at him.

"All of them?" He asked, now smiling.

"Uh-huh." She nodded.

Jack crossed the room, taking just a few steps to get to her side. He engulfed in a fierce embrace, and spun her around, kissing her neck, emitting a giggle from Kate. Placing her back on the floor he leant in for a passionate kiss, forcing her lips to open.

"So, I'm guessing you're happy?" Kate laughed.

"Are you kidding? This is great, it's fantastic…" Jack beamed.

"I know you said you'd be happy, but I didn't know you'd be like this…" Kate shook her head.

"Well…there was no use in getting my hopes up. And now I've had time to think, and the ideas grown on me and…it's just…it's a good thing, you know?"

"I know." She smiled at him. "We're really going to do this?" She half asked, half said placing her hands on her still flat stomach.

"We're really going to do this." He confirmed, placing his hands over hers. "I love you."

"I love you too." She said leaning up for a loving kiss.

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A/N: Awww, yay, there we go…a happy fluffy chapter :D Just because there's been so much angst going on lately, thought you all deserved it. Hehe. 


	16. Hormones and Houses

A/N: I am soooooooo sorry that I haven't updated in forever. I honestly hadn't realised it had been that long. Oh well, ideas for this fic aren't coming so easily, but I'm trying, I am. I'm not abandoning this fic, it's just slow...story of my writing life.

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You don't have to speak because I can hear your heartbeat.  
Fluttering like butterflies searching for a drink.  
You don't have to cover up how you feel when you're in love.

* * *

Over the past two months, Kate and Jack had only grown closer, re-kindling that flame they'd had before. Now, completely over their brief split, they couldn't be happier, or more excited about the baby on the way.

Kate sat on the edge of their bed, gazing out of the window, upon the city below them, when Jack entered the room.

"Chocolate and strawberries." He gestured to the bowls in his hand as he walked over to the bedside table behind her.

After placing the food on the table, he rounded the bed to crouch in front of her. He gave her a cute grin as his hands moved to her slightly swelling belly, at three and a half months, her stomach was more rounded and beginning to protrude slightly. Jack eased her top up, pushing it up just above her belly, whispered something to it, and placed a trail of kisses along it. Kate giggled and swotted at his head.

"What the hell are you doing Jack?" She asked him, her head cocked to the side.

"I'm loving my baby." He offered her another grin, as he sat beside her on the bed. "You're beautiful, being pregnant suits you." He said kissing her softly.

"Right…" Kate thought for a moment, "I'm so holding that against you." She smirked. "In a few months, when I'm fat as a whale, you won't be saying that anymore. My cravings are only going to get worse, and I really don't think this morning sickness is going to stop anytime soon. I can't even remember what it's like to be able to keep breakfast down."

Jack shook his head and chuckled at her. "I'll still love you when you're 'fat as a whale'." He told her. "You'll always be beautiful. And whatever you want…I'll get it for you."

"Anything?" She asked.

"Well…maybe not the moon. Or a camel, or elephant, or giraffe. I'm having none of those living in my house!" Jack laughed lying on the bed beside her.

"Why would anyone even want a pet elephant?" Kate asked him, falling backwards resting her head on his chest.

"Beats me." He told her, handing her a strawberry dipped in chocolate which she snatched out of his hands and ate hungrily. "Nice?"

"Are you kidding? It tastes like heaven." She beamed at him.

"Only the best for you." Jack smiled as he caressed her stomach with his large hands, and her hand moved to join his. "Speaking of houses, you still okay to look at those houses tomorrow?"

"Uh huh." She nodded as she linked her hand through his, and it came to a rest on top of her stomach.

"So what do you want?" He asked her.

"A big house, with a garden, and a kitchen, I want to…" She started before Jack interrupted her.

"No." He laughed. "Not the house. The baby, what do you want, boy or girl?"

"I don't know." She thought for a moment. "I guess, a part of me has always wanted a little girl, you know? I'm not sure why, perhaps just so that I could dress her up, have that mother-daughter bond where you can be like best friends – I never had that, but some of my friends did. Yeah," Kate smiled, "I think I want a daughter…but I wouldn't mind a little boy; a mini-Jack…"

"You're not calling him Jack." He told her firmly.

"Didn't say I would." She laughed. "I don't mind, as long as it's healthy and ours." She smiled up at him. "What about you."

"Both." He told her. "Two girls and a boy," He grinned, "So that I can have my 'Daddy's little girls', but not be completely out numbered by you all."

"You know, we're only starting off with this one. I don't think I can handle all that pain, I don't know if I'll be a good mother…"

"You'll be a great mother." He kissed her cheek. "Besides, you can have the drugs here, you don't have to do it like Claire did."

"Good." She smirked. "It sounded painfull."

"But it's always worth it." He said softly as he shifted his position to kiss her tenderly. "I love you."

"I love you too…" She smiled peacefully, "Thank you, for always being here."

"Wouldn't dream of not being here." He reassured her.

-

"I thought we said somewhere where we can bring up a child!" Kate moaned as they got back into Jack's SUV. "There's no way a kid of mine is growing up in a crap hole like that! I'd much rather it be back on the island, bores, polar bears and all…"

"Kate, honey, baby…" Jack tried to interrupt her.

"Seriously it was a mess, the neighbourhood was noisy, and there was mould and damp. No way." Kate finally paused for a breath. "Sorry hun, what?"

Jack chuckled slightly as they pulled out of the neighbourhood that Kate detested so much. "There are other houses left to look out, I'm sure some of them are going to be better than that."

"They have to be, Jack!" Kate sighed, "Seriously, if we don't find anything, I don't see why we don't just stay in your apartment…" She huffed.

"Because, Kate, you're the one who wants a garden, and a big kitchen so that you can cook, or learn to, or whatever…"

"Hmmph, yeah." Kate nodded.

"But that house!"

"I know, I know, we don't like it. We're not having it, end of rant?"

"I guess…" Kate sighed, relieved, "but that woman, honestly if she thinks…"

Tearing his eyes off of the road for a second Jack looked towards his love and shook his head. "Pregnancy makes you crazy, you know that?"

"Hhmph." She groaned as she sank back into her seat.

As they pulled up outside the next house, Kate let out an audible groan.

"Give it a chance Kate."

"It looks ugly." She shrugged.

"Kate, please…we're never going to find somewhere if you're always like this."

"Hormones." She smirked at him. "And really, I don't like it, it looks ugly; I don't want to live in an ugly house. I have expectations, ya know?"

Jack stepped out of the car, and rolled his eyes. Taking her hand in his, he whispered to her; "And what if our baby doesn't meet your expectations?"

"It will." She smiled at him, her eyes glowing.

"Really now?" He asked raising his eyebrows slightly, not quite understanding how his girlfriend's mind worked.

"Oh yeah." She laughed. "It's going to be our baby, so I'm going to love it anyway…besides, it's going to be cute, and cuddly. And it'll be smart like you." She smiled up at him, and leaned up to kiss his cheek before they walked over to the waiting estate agent.

"Just hold your tongue, babe." He whispered to her, and she bit her lip trying not to laugh.

-

"Jack!" Kate gasped, sitting up out of her seat, grinning like a Cheshire cat. "Do you see that house, do you? I want that one!" She announced.

"Oh, so this one we might like?" He asked, putting the car into park.

"Have you seen it?" She asked as if he were stupid. "It's gorgeous." She smiled.

"We haven't seen the inside." He reminded her.

"I'm sure it'll be lovely." She told him, hopping out of the car.

"And there's the optimistic Kate I know." He murmured while she waited for him on the sidewalk.

-

"It's perfect." Kate glowed as the couple stood in the back yard, looking up at the house. "Great garden, nice sized rooms, lovely kitchen…oh you know that bedroom, the one there…" She pointed to it, "don't you think it'd be a great nursery. I mean it's big, and it's got a nice view and…"

"You really like this house, don't you." He smiled at her, and kissed her cheek.

"Jack! I love it! We have to get this house. We just HAVE to." She told him.

"Okay," He laughed, shaking his head, "we'll make an offer."

"Yay!" She turned to him and excitedly through her arms around his neck. "I love you." She said before kissing him deeply.

As they walked out of the yard, and towards Jack's car, her slung his arm around her waist, pulling her to him. She turned to him, and her eyes glinted dangerously.

"What?" He asked, almost dreading the answer.

"You do realise I'm holding it against you if we don't get the house, right?"

"As long as you're happy when you kill me, and don't feel too guilty about taking away your baby's father, then I'm fine." He told her, as he opened the car door for her.

"I'm so glad you're understanding." He kissed her quickly before closing the car door.

"I love you too." He said getting into the car.

* * *

I love the attention. I'm a review whore, but you already knew that, didn't you?


	17. Heartbeats And Sonograms

_A/N: To some extent I have had to have used a lot of guesswork. Just a warning incase this doesn't make a whole lotta sense. Also, sorry it's taken forever. –cowers in the corner- I hope you'll forgive me…it's a good chapter. I liked writing this. If you have any ideas for this, or my other fics…let me know as inspiration often runs low._

* * *

"And you'll…" 

"Yes, Kate, I will be home in time to pick you up for the scan." Jack confirmed, with a half smile on his face, as he drove along the freeway, talking to Kate using his hands-free set.

"It's fine if you can't, because…"

"Katie, sweetheart, I will be home to pick you up." He chuckled at her nerves.

"Are you sure?" She asked him, once again. "Because I really think it's giving a bad impression if you're not home in time, and then I turn up late and…"

"Kate!"

"Yes?" Kate asked, finally taking a breath.

"I'm just pulling off the freeway, I will be home in 5 minutes, 10 minutes max. Please stop worrying, it's not good for you, either of you; and we've got an hour until your appointment, I can drive you there and back in that time."

"I know Jack…but you never know, there could be traffic and I really don't…"

"I get it Kate, I do. I know you're nervous. It's fine. Calm down, sit down, put your feet up and don't move a muscle until I get home, okay?"

"Sitting." She confirmed as she leant back against the sofa.

"Good, I'll be home soon." He told her.

"Good."

"I love you." He reassured her, "it will be fine, everything will be okay Kate, I promise you."

"Love you too." She smiled over the phone, "and thanks, for you know…talking to me."

"Goodbye Kate." Jack chuckled at his pregnant girlfriend.

* * *

"Now, today, we should be able to listen to the heartbeat, and hopefully get a decent picture of the little one. So, if you'd just raise your top, sweetheart." The doctor spoke kindly, and Kate quickly pulled her top up as instructed. "Now, this may be a lil' cold." The doctor shook the bottle and then squirted some jelly onto Kate's belly. Kate drew in a quick breath, at the gels contact with her skin. 

A few moments later the wand was sliding over Kate's slightly swollen abdomen, when a faint heartbeat could be picked up. The aging doctor turned up the volume on the speakers.

"Ah yes." The doctor smiled at Jack and Kate, and then suddenly she frowned, and tilted her head closer towards the speakers. "Hmm."

"Hmm?" Kate questioned. "Hmm what? What's wrong." She looked to Jack and noticed his brow was furrowed, a look of confusion upon his face. "Jack?" She asked sounding slightly panicked.

"The heartbeat." He breathed out. "It's not normal." He said quickly.

"Oh God." Tears brimmed in the corner of her eyes. "Please…please…tell me my baby's okay…"

"Hey, hey." Jack pushed her hair back off of her forehead, and pressed a kiss there, trying his best to comfort her.

"Shh…I think, I know…" The doctor spoke quietly before fiddling around with her monitor and then moving the wand about a bit. "Ah yes, I see." She nodded, and turned to smile at Kate. "Everything's all right, ma'am."

"But…the heartbeat?" Kate questioned, evidently confused; Jack gripped her hand tighter.

The doctor only smiled at her, before adjusting the wand and then spinning the monitor around so that Jack and Kate could see. "This here," the doctor pointed to a shape on the screen, "is your baby, and this here…" She moved the wand slightly, and another odd shape appeared; "is your other baby. That is why the heartbeat sounded a little odd"

Kate let out a sigh of relief in knowing that her baby was okay and there was a reason for the odd pulsing she'd heard. "Jack, she said our baby is okay." She smiled up at Jack, having glossed over some of the doctor's words.

"Wait, you said…other baby?" Jack questioned.

"What?" Kate gasped.

"Yes, other baby." The doctor nodded.

"You mean? That…?" Kate tried to speak.

"Two?" Jack asked.

"Yes. Congratulations Ms Austen, Mr. Shephard, you're expecting twins."

"Twins?" Kate choked out, and the doctor nodded. Kate turned to face her lover. "You hear that Jack?" She wiped a tear from her eye, "twins." She smiled up at him.

"Twice the trouble." Jack mused, nodding with a hint of a smile. "Think we can handle two?"

Kate nodded slightly. "Wow." She breathed. "Think we could handle even one?" She asked, daringly.

Jack shook his head and laughed at her, before ducking his head to place a soft kiss upon her waiting lips. "I love you."

Kate looked up at him adoringly, and nodded at him. "Twins, Jack!" He nodded back at her, and traced his hand along the side of her face. "I love you too." A moment later she turned back to the doctor and smiled at her. "Thank you."

The graying doctor helped to wipe of the jelly with a paper towel and shook her head. "It's my pleasure Ms Austen, my pleasure entirely."

* * *

Later that evening Kate was curled up on the sofa, her head resting on the back of the sofa, and her legs folded beneath her. She clutched a cushion to her and held the scan of her unborn children in her hands. Tracing a finger along the outline of her babies, Kate let a small sigh, as a small smiled spread across her face. 

She was vaguely aware of Jack's presence in the room, and looked up upon hearing him say, "beautiful".

"Huh?"

"You weren't listening, were you?" Jack asked her, shaking his head as he crossed the room to sit beside her.

"Sorry." Her eyes glanced downwards as she shrugged, "I was thinking."

"About the twins?" Jack asked as he wrapped his arm around her and tugged her to him.

"Yeah…" Kate laid her head on his shoulder and showed him the picture from the scan. "I still can't believe it's more than one baby."

"Hmm, are you worried?" He asked her.

"Maybe…kind of. It's just…I was so worried about having one baby…and…I've gotten used to the idea, I think I can handle one kid…but two? At the same time…just…there's so much hard work, and I don't know if…"

"You'll be fine." Jack cut her off. "I can take time off at the beginning, and I'll cut down my hours, so I can help as much as possible. We'll manage, Katie, we will."

"I know, it's just…all a bit overwhelming." She revealed.

"I know, but it's going to fun too." He told her.

"I know, and part of me wants the pregnancy to all be over sooner, because now I'm waiting for two perfect presents; I just want to hold them, love them already." Kate sighed. "You know…when we were listening to the heartbeat, I was almost crying?"

"Really?"

"Yeah…" Kate took in a deep breath. "I just felt so connected to my baby, and overwhelmed with the amount of love I already feel for it, even though I've never met it…and then, when she noticed it didn't sound right, I got so scared that something bad was happening…again, I just, I really would have hated that, Jack."

"I know you would've." He pressed a kiss to her chestnut hair. "I was worried too, not just for the baby, but for you too…I'd hate to lose you, Katie."

"I never want to lose you, Jack. Besides, I'm going to put up a hell of a fight if anything tries to tear us apart." She smiled at him.

"And that's why I love you." He grinned at her.

"Do you know what I felt when she told us it twins, and showed us both of the babies?" She asked him, her face glowing, and eyes twinkling.

"I've got some idea." He uttered quietly, absorbing her radiant image.

"I was just, so relieved to know that nothing was wrong, it almost didn't register with me," she giggled.

"I noticed." He chuckled.

"But, I was so happy to know nothing was wrong, my heart just swelled with even more love. I think it's good that we're having twins." Kate concluded.

"How'd you figure?" Jack asked, curious to the workings of his girl's inner mind.

"Well, firstly, our baby will never be lonely. Secondly, we have more love to give…and…I've always wanted, well, deep down anyway, a big family, well, with at least two children. My childhood…you know it wasn't great; my house would be quiet, I was the only one, and I would just get so scared, to make a noise, to play, or talk…or, just be a kid. But then I'd go around to Tom's," Jack smiled, noticing that this time she mentioned Tom, without her eyes tearing up, "there would be so much noise. It was such a lively place; because he was one of four. There was always laughter, and chatter, it was a nice place to be. I want that for my kids. I don't want them to be afraid of us, afraid to make a noise."

Jack nodded, "I know what you mean. That's why I think we're going to be good parents, you especially."

"Why?"

"Because we've gone thought the bad stuff, we know what it's like to be ignored in our own home, to be scared to go home…it, it just means that we'll do everything we can to make sure our children don't get that." Kate hummed, showing that she understood what he meant, before she snuggled further into him.

Jack wrapped his arms tighter around her, and kissed her forehead gently, before mindlessly caressing her belly. He rubbed her stomach and then whispered into her ear; "You should be able to feel them move soon."

"I can't wait." Kate grinned, and her hand moved to join Jack's on her stomach. She watched closely as their fingers wove together, slotting together perfectly, like two halves of a whole, two puzzle pieces.

"You looked so content and peaceful when I came in here earlier." Jack complimented her.

"Huh?"

"I was telling you that pregnancy makes you look so naturally beautiful when I came in here." He smiled at her.

"Oh…"

"I love you." Jack said in a low whisper, before resting his head upon hers.

A moment later, Kate spoke up, breaking the comfortable silence. "These are going to be expensive kids!" She giggled. "We're going to have to buy two of everything, and there's going to be twice as many diapers." Her eyes darted up as she noticed Jack pulling a face. "Oh no, doctor, you should be used to it. Diaper changing is one task you are not going to get of." She told him firmly.

"But I'll get out of doing something?" Jack asked, and Kate laughed.

"Hmm, we'll see."

* * *

_A/N: Indulge me. My ego would love a rich chocolate cheesecake right now, or something like that...but seeing as I have rather review whoreish tendencies, I'll settle for lots of lovely reviews, my lovlies:D_


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